something worth leaving behind...

Singaporeans in their little well (a reference to the Chinese idiom 井底之蛙）

2012-01-28T18:43:00.000+08:00

I just find that sometimes, Singaporeans need to grow up and grow wiser. It's not like we're isolated from the world; we're quite connected, with the internet, and majority of the population get to travel overseas at least once in their lives (no stats, but I'm pretty sure of this). So, we should be more attuned to world affairs and global issues, no?

I don't usually jump into the fray and do social commentary, but I just need to voice out somewhere, and where better than my own personal blog. I just kinda find it tragic, how we're so caught up with our own "problems" instead of being more concerned about other more pressing issues. Like maybe global poverty (Bill Gates wrote a commentary on The New York Times that is re-published on Today, on The Truth about foreign aid), child labour, forced prostitution, biodiversity loss, climate change etc etc.

I read somewhere (unfortunately my memory is a disgrace and I cannot remember where) about why is it that people dying worldwide due to poverty-related issues (lack healthcare, or education etc) are NOT headliners in national newspaper, though it is a major global problem. It seems that a once-off accident (e.g. the Costa Concordia sinking) generates more news than deaths occurring daily due to totally preventable causes. And though my memory fails, Google saves, so here's a webpage about the plight of children around the world and why such tragedies are not headlines.

Anyway, back to Singapore, this is an example of what circulates (rather wildly) on Facebook.

And then people go on and on about how such people are still humans and deserve a seat and flame the people who put up such pictures and make certain comments. I suppose this is a "localised problem", but really, is this that newsworthy? Though I suppose at least this hasn't made it to the front page of national newspaper yet.

Sighs I am just ranting here, maybe I'm just too idealistic, and I wish everyone would be more concerned about world issues and try to do something in their own little ways to help (like not waste food, or if you can, donate to reputable organisations (not gonna jump into the discussion on whether certain organisations are trustworthy and worth their salt or not) or like one of my colleagues, adopt kids through World Vision, or reduce electricity, buy less consumables, use less disposables, learn more about local biodiversity etc)

But all is not doom and gloom, I do feel that our society is slowly maturing and people are starting to take notice of other things apart from bread-and-butter issues. I suppose in the past it was all about survival, all that stuff about threat of Communism and independence from British and what-not. Whereas now our GDP per capita is reasonably high and most people can live comfortably (though our income gap is widening) and so I suppose people can think more about their spiritual side and invest more time in running, enjoying Nature, and stuff. Though at the same time, people are also rather attached to their iPhones, iPads and babies are born with an iPhone in their hands and stuff. Hmm we're a rather contradictory society I think.

Anyway, I'm just ranting. I hope I make some sense though I think there are lots of loopholes in what I'm saying.

2012-01-26T00:03:00.003+08:00

Chinese New Year is kinda over. Technically it doesn't end till 6 Feb, after 15 days. But well, the holidays are over (though the goodies remain).

It's my last CNY in Singapore, for the next three years.

And I'm almost ending my internship at Raffles Museum in NUS. And then I'll have about half a week free, before starting at NParks. All the way till end May. And then, I'll be free to travel around before University commences.

There is only some 8 months left to my gap year. And I really want to make full use of it and learn new things. Determination is needed, not procrastination!

Sometimes, you feel like nothing matters. And sometimes, you just feel so small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. And then you wonder, who cares?

But there's always someone out there, caring.

2012-01-22T01:53:00.000+08:00

Went for a slow jog in the yesterday (20 Jan) morning, a really slow one. And I was dying, slow as it was, I think I only jogged 2.4km max before I just stopped. Maybe it's cos I havent exercised in really long time, or cos of my partially congested nose. Forgot I had a mild flu. Decided not to risk dying this way so just stopped. But really, really cui. My fitness level has gone down drastically.

And I'm currently reading this book, Born to Run, passed to me by Mr Lim Cheng Puay (thanks!). Really interesting and inspiring. About running (obviously), endurance runs, this elusive Mexican tribe Tarahumara who are amazing trail runners, and about society. Inspires me to run (more), and makes me think about how modern society with all its decadent, consumeristic cravings is humanity gone wrong. And how we should reflect and change our ways, before we doom ourselves to extinction (already on the way). It's quite in line with all the biodiversity and environment stuff I think about.

So after the very lame "run", I just sat for a while to stone and reflect. People need solitude, time with themselves to think and reflect. It develops the more spiritual side of yourself I guess. That's why since biblical times, people always climb mountains (a very character-building task, and isolated as well) to talk to God. Walks in nature, and for me while on transport (when I'm not sleeping) are all times when I'm thinking, wondering what I can do with my life to be more productive and active, generating ideas and reflecting on society and life.

And I had a great discussion with Li Fang today. I love how we can talk non-stop for 5 hours plus about all sorts of (rather geeky) things. About life, our future, relationships, Singapore culture, sucky education system, idealism, humanity's problems and all sorts of other things. I think the people around us must have thought we were insane, two 19-year-olds talking about such stuff.

But yes, I'm glad I have found a kindred spirit. Though I've known her for a long time anyway. Our education system sucks and really needs to be revamped. I think it would be interesting to really consolidate our thoughts and see if we can get any evidence or reflections from students (past and present) and present during EduCampSg. If anyone has comments about education system, I would be most happy to hear them.

2012-01-14T18:20:00.003+08:00

Just got home from Bali yesterday afternoon, but a blog post on the Bali trip will have to wait! Behind the Vietnam trip and whatever else is in the queue.

Cos i heard some of the greatest news I've ever heard in my life right at the start of the trip! I have an offer from Peterhouse in Cambridge University to study Natural Sciences (Biological) and an offer from the Jardine Foundation to award me a scholarship to study in Peterhouse in Cambridge :)

I can't say exactly what emotions or thoughts ran through my mind the moment I heard (or rather, read) the news. Relief, for finally getting a reply/result, and the whole selection process finally being over. Joy, for being able to secure the offers. Thankfulness, that God has blessed me with so much! and perhaps, Apprehension, at what is to come. And definitely, I'm glad I didn't disappoint all the people who always had so much faith in me.

For those interested in applying in the Jardine Foundation scholarship, check out their website. The Jardine Foundation only offers scholarships to selected colleges in Cambridge and Oxford (refer to the website for specifics).

The entire selection process starts in Oct. You have to apply for it around the same time you're applying for Oxbridge entry. Deadline is about 10 days after Oxbridge deadline, and you have to submit through your school. And after submitting application to your local headquarters (the scholarship is offered to various countries, Singapore, Malaysia, Hong Kong, China, Vietnam, Indonesia and a couple others), you wait. For a positive reply that will tell you to attend a First interview at your local HQ.

First interviews are in Nov. When exactly in Nov depends on your country I guess. For Singapore, I was first given a date in early Nov, but I was overseas (in Nepal) and had my interview in close to the end of Nov instead. The interview wasn't too scary, and as long as you know yourself well, it should be pretty okay! After that, you wait. I heard from them about a little more than a week after the first interview about the second.

Second interviews are in early Dec. I was supposed to have it in Singapore, but because I had to go Cambridge for my interview, I had mine in London instead. But I had the feeling that our second interview was the London's first, cos the questions were about the same. And then you wait again! I heard from them about 2 weeks after, when I was overseas again (in Vietnam). Third interview's the final and most important one, held in HK.

Jardine covers airfare and accommodation expenses for the HK interview, which is really nice of them (: Usually during the first few days of the new year, and you get to meet the other final interviewees from the region. It's quite nice, getting to know them, and having people to travel with to get to Jardine House. Interviewees are usually housed in The Excelsior at Causeway Bay, and you'll have to take 2 train stations down to Central where Jardine House is. Very convenient. Food at The Excelsior is great! My only gripe is that internet isn't free. But Jardine pays for the room, and internet is charged to the room, so well wasn't too bad. You'll have to do a 45 min essay before the interview. Essay was pretty interesting, I had a really hard time with it. I thought I would have flunked the essay for sure! But thankfully it wasn't too bad, I guess. It's a panel of interviewers for the final interview, as opposed to the previous ones. The list of interviewers is provided, and it's always good to find out a bit more about your interviewers. Mix of interviewers from Cambridge, Oxford and Jardine-Matheson. But they're all really nice, and after that there's a lunch with the interviewers when you can have a casual chat with them.

And then after that, you wait again. Not too long, only a few days, they make their decision really fast!! Right after Cambridge emailed the results to me, I also received the Jardine offer. (:

Juniors/anyone intending to apply to Oxbridge for undergraduate studies, do consider applying for Jardine! It's rather unheard-of in Singapore I think, my mom was the one who alerted me to it.

Meanwhile, I still have paperwork and other administrative matters to deal with before I can officially, officially say that I'm a Jardine scholar in Peterhouse, Cambridge!

Praise the Lord for all that He has done for me! :) I know I'm really blessed and fortunate. And I really hope I'll be able to make a positive difference and change the world, one day. And as mentioned earlier, I'm very thankful for all the support and faith in me that family and friends have showed.

2012-01-14T17:20:00.002+08:00

My church choir sang for the solemnisation of a Brother in the Discalced Brothers of the Blessed Virgin Mary of Mount Carmel today morning. It is a rather big event. The equivalent of a marriage, only you're getting married to the Church.

A few things struck me, as I was attending the solemnisation. As a Friar in the Order of Discalced Carmelites, (or a Nun), you vow to give up 3 things:
1) Love for someone of the opposite sex.
2) Material goods.
3) Personal freedom

Or rather, you vow to 3 things:
1) Chastity
2) Poverty
3) Obedience

That is really A LOT to give up. And during the homily, the General Delegate (kinda like the Head I guess) talked about how you achieve these 3 vows by maintaining these 3 practices:
1) Prayer
2) Community living
3) Solitude

But I guess these 3 apply to everyone, not just Carmelite Friars, or those in the religious order. We all need to pray, we all need to have some company, and we all need to spend some time alone.

I am just incredibly awed, and have the deepest respect for people who give their lives to God and to the Church. It really is a vocation, just like how I have full admiration for nurses, paramedics, firemen, and everyone who takes up a vocation, doing what they're doing because they love it and they have a calling for it, despite the sucky pay and the devotion to their jobs.

Witnessing the solemnisation was as touching as witnessing a wedding. Simply amazing.

I Beg to Fall in Love with Thee, My Lord

I beg to fall in love with Thee, my Lord
with every breath of life I take.
I beg to fall in love with Thee, my Lord,
its every beat, I to Thee forsake.

For even if my thoughts fall short of knowing You,
and even if my will runs terrified,
Your passion thins the darkness of my soul,
sheds it light, breaths it life,
stills the murmur of the night.

I beg to fall in love with Thee, my Lord
with every breath of life I take.
I beg to fall in love with Thee, my Lord,
its every beat, I to Thee forsake.

For even if my heart falls short of loving You,
and even if my spirit hides away,
Your love for me surpasses all my fears,
all I do, all I am, all that I can ever be.

I beg to fall in love with Thee, my Lord
with every breath of life I take.
I beg to fall in love with Thee, my Lord,
its every beat, I to Thee forsake.

One of the songs we sang during the solemnisation.

Reminders about Life #7

2012-01-10T00:18:00.000+08:00

This is a shortened version, because it's too long. Check out the website for the full version.

29 life lessons learned in travellingthe world for 8 years straight

1. Everyoneeverywhere basically wants the same thing

Vastly different as the world’s culturesare, if you speak to Italian millionaires, homeless Brazilians, Dutch fishermenand Filipino computer programmers, in their own languages, you start tosee that we are all incredibly alike where it matters.

Everyone just wants validation, love,security, enjoyment and hopes for a better future. The way they verbalise thisand work towards it is where things branch off, but we all have the same basicdesires. You can relate to everyone inthe world if you look past the superficial things that separate you.

2. Deferringyour happiness to the future is a terrible idea

Too many people presume that when they have thatone thing they canwork towards for yearsthen “everything will be alright”.

This is delusional.

When you get it, there’ll be something elsemissing in your life. I fundamentally believe that long-term pure happinessfrom one particular situation or achievement is a pipe-dream, but we can learnto be content with what we have, live in the now, all while enjoying theprogress and changes we are making.

If your whole life is working up towards onereally big major goal that you hold on to for years, then you will have a majoranticlimax after the dust settles. Work towards it, but stop deferring yourhappiness.

Get there slower and enjoy the ride. I likehow it is portrayed in this video:

Enjoy the show, and don’t wait for thefinale. A song I really like (in Spanish) reminds me that thepresent really is all we have.

3. “Somedaymy ship will come in” is bullshit. You will NEVER win the lottery. Bepractical.

People seem to have a strange concept of howluck works and how the universe/some deity/karma/their lucky shoe or how “theydeserve it” will mean that things will eventually fallinto place for them. You are “due” to win the lottery or will get swept away byprince charmingany day now.“You deserve it” (as if others don’t).

This is amisunderstanding of how the world actually works. Perhaps I’m wrongand praying or hoping that it will all work out, or generally beinga nice person is what really “does the trick”, butwhy not actually get off your ass and do something tangibletoo while you’reat it.

I personally don’t believe in magic orfairies or astrology or sky wizards or large-scale invisible inexplicableforces at work on petty daily activities of humans. I’m sceptical about such things, and believe they are allimpossible/ridiculous, and knowledge of this has enriched my life.As apractical person, I see the world asa very logical place with physical and social rules and understanding this hashelped me live well in it.

The universe owes you nothing,you owe it to yourself to be the master of where your life ends up.

4. There’sno such thing as destiny. This is excellent news!

Destiny is used as a cop-out and standardexcuse by most people for why they don’t do something with their lives. Thething is, it doesn’t exist.

Your limitations are not set by who youknow, where you were born, what genes you have, how much money you have, howold you are right now, what you did before or other things that you can claimare your stamp of failure for life.

If you are determined enough there is ashitload of opportunities in life that are totally achievable with minimalcash, regardless of who you are.

5. Seek outpeople with different beliefs and views of the world to yours and get to knowtheir side of the story

As you can probably guess from #3, I havesome beliefs about the world that don’t jive with a lot of people’s. However, alot of people get their meaning in life from believing in things I don’t. Ifeveryone thought like me, the world would be a very boring place.

So when I meet someone with a very differentbelief system to mine, it’s better to get along than to try to “convert” them.This is as true for how the world works as it is for language learning methods, fashion, movietastes etc.

When someone is sure aboutsomething and has believed it for many many years, then you cannot convincethem with a few cleverly picked words. Everyone is closed minded aboutsomething, including me. They have todiscover it themselves over time or just continue believing what they do. Don’ttake responsibility for convincing the world you are right. It’s important toacknowledge that maybe you areactually the wrong one.

The world is much more fun with people ofvarying interests and beliefs. Despite my scepticism, in my travels I have hungout with astrologists, palm readers, very religious folk, conservatives, andpeople who hate technology. And my life and experiences are enriched so muchbecause of it.

Spending time exclusively with people whoagree with you on everything would never challenge you and allow you to learnso much more.

6. Living agood life is the best way possible to convince people

Enough words and enough arguing. Just liveby example and soon you’ll have people on your side when they see your results and how passionate you are. No need to“convince” them. Just show them that you are there,tell them how you got there, and they will start to realise that maybe you aren’tthat crazy after all.

7. Nobodyhas it all figured out

Almost everyone has problems and puts on a brave face -- don’tpresume they have it easy. You see of each person what they let yousee. You have no idea what they are going through or what they had to put upwith to be in a situation that you can consider “easy”.

This is universal -- millionaires, students,the cool kid, the party animal, the introvert and everyone in between has moreto their story than the superficial restricted one you see. Never dismiss themas having it easy if you don’t know the entire story.

9. Moremoney will NEVER solve your problems

As long as you are not living in the streetor going hungry, then you do not “need” more money. When you spend enough timewith people who are actually living on next to nothing, but having a full life,then you will truly understand this. Everything that is wonderful about lifedoesn’t cost a penny, and the rest is way cheaper than you think it is.

10.Possessions own you

Look at the real reason you want to buy moreexpensive crap and realise that it all comes down to validation from others inone way or another. You don’t really need any of it unless it’s directlyrelated to essentials in how you work or survive.

The need to buy new crap dictates your life-- it fixes you in one location with that house and furniture, and it governshow much money you need to earn. And it almost never actuallyenriches your life in any way. The less you own the better.

11. TV isthe greatest black hole of time available to mankind

I wasted so much of my life before age 21spending 3-4 hours a day watchingTV. Following shows that I “had” to see, in order to “relax”. I regret almostevery second of it. The whole world was passing me by outside.

TV was an important part of the 20stcentury, bringing communication and news to the masses, but now it’s wasteful.People get biased news through it, when much better alternatives are available,watch terrible TV shows through it that teach them nothing, and it sucks somany hours of their lives away that they seem to forget about when they deludethemselves into thinking that they don’t have time to pursue real passions in life.

TVs encourage people to be antisocial.The only TVs you should be watching are someone else’s -- go to your friend’shouse to share a series you like if you must, or go to the bar with your matesto watch sports. Your life will not be enriched by sitting athome watching a screen with zero interactivity to it.

12. TheInternet is the greatest tool ever available to us, but daily use must becapped

Unlike TVs, the Internet is interactive and allows you to take part and become virtually social.It connects communities all over the world and without it, the last 8 years simplywould have been much more difficult for me for many reasons.

Having said that, it has the same potentialas TV to become a black hole of time. Use it to enrich your life, but put a capon how much you use it so you can get out and live that life. Replacing onescreen with another (even when you use it to chat to people) is just escapingthe real world, which is much more beautiful.

13. Getoutside and do something with other people

My favourite website in the world is Couchsurfing.org, precisely because I spend so little timeon it. It has simplified my travel life tremendously by allowing me to host people tomaintain my languages, and to search it for interesting people to meet up with.

The world that is worth experiencing is notin books or on TV or computer screens. It’s with other human beings. Stop being shy and get out and meet them!

16. Takeyour time

If there’s one thing I’ve learned fromliving in countries that are more “easy going” it’s that they are way wiserthan the rest of us in their pace of life. People and countries that doeverything quicker also do it worse. Take it easy and go slowly.

Enjoy every bite of food, walk at a slowpace and take in your surroundings, let the other person finish their side ofthe conversation while you listen attentively, and stop in the middle of yourday, close your eyes or look at nature and become aware of your breathing.

17. Youcan’t please everyone

“I don’t know the secret to success, but thesecret to failure is trying to please everyone” -- Bill Cosby.

State your opinion and stick to your guns.If you are confident enough and share your idea with enough people, you will pissoff someone no matter what you talk about. That’s their problem, not yours.

18. Tryingto be cool or following trends is for mindless sheep

Peer pressure is for people who are afraidof their individuality. Stand up for yourself, and go against the flow ifthat’s what you feel is best. What’s cool now will be frozen over ina few years.

21. Stopthinking so much and act

People think their way out of doingeverything that’s worth doing in life. The reason I feel I’m getting so muchdone in the last years is precisely because of how much time I give to over-analysing whether I should do somethingimportant or not: None.

23. Makingnew friends is easy and so is appreciating your current ones

My entire eight years travel has been alone.I arrive in a new nation without a single friend waiting for me in many cases.I have no connections, but I make them anyway. I find a party online and gostraight to it and say hi to everyone. Soon, if I try enthusiastically enough,I’ll find people I can socialise with on a regular basis.

If you are friendly, genuine and charming,making friends with people from every cultureand background is possible.

When people who are surrounded by family,networks, work and school colleagues, other friends, clubs and communities theyare a part of… tell me that it’s hard to meet new people I feel like slappingthem in the face to wake them up to the opportunities around them, which Ihaven’t had consistently for almost a decade. Look around you!

24. Youdon’t know what you’ve got ’till its gone

Don’t take anything forgranted. I couldn’t afford to pay for accommodation one night and had to sleepoutside on a rock because of it. Ever since then I appreciate having a bed,couch or hammock, no matter how small or where it may be, because I know whatit’s like to not have one. One night wasenough to burn it into me -- I sigh a breath of relief every time I go to bednow.

I went partially deaf due to an earinfection for two weeks and appreciate my hearing and all the beautiful soundsaround me all the more because I got it back. I also gained an appreciation forsigned communication that I’d take advantage of several years later.

I’ve never lost anyone close to me, but Ihug my family members and tell them I love them every chance I get, and clearany bad air with friends and don’t hold back on sharing my emotions with them.Life is too short -- if I lost anything important to me then I want to makesure that I never wasted the time I did have with it or with him or her.

25. Swallowyour pride and apologise

Never hold a grudge and never try to winevery argument. Sometimes it’s best to let your pride slide for the sake ofclearing the air with someone. Be the first to say you’re sorry. Neverwait for the other person to make the first move.

26. Doinganything specifically to impress people is stupid

People will never give you the validationyou seek if you try to be a dancing monkey for them. Saying how many languages you speak, how richyou are, who you know, where you studied or what you do for a living, or tryingto show-off in any other way to get someone to like you, or working for thesethings just for the bragging rights will leave you reallydisappointed.

People are impressed by those who aren’ttrying to impress them and are comfortable in themselves and social andinteresting. Sometimes to be “interesting” all you have to do is be a goodlistener.

27. Peopleare not alone in being alone

One of the most frequent questions I getasked as a long-term solo traveller is if I feel lonely. The short answer is no.The long answer would require an entire post in itself.

But the fact of the matter is thatloneliness is much more common around the world than I previously thought itwas. I was actually much more lonelyin my university (fixed) life than I am now. And I meet many people who havevast networks of social groups who feel desperately lonely because they feelnobody gets them.

Then others who simply changed theirlifestyle in some way (not necessarily by travel, but perhaps marriage orstarting a demanding job) and have lost contact with all their childhoodfriends because of it, also feel lonely.

I’ve talked to many people who are convincedthey are the only ones who feel this way. Each time I hear a similar story Ican hear the Police in my head “seems I’m not alone inbeing alone…” Believe it or not I find this very comforting when I am genuinelyseparated by thousands of kilometres from anyone who even knows what my nameis. Even though nobody is in exactly thesame situation, the amount of people in the world I’ve met tells me that I’mvery likely not the only one in such asituation, even at that very second.

No matter how lonely you might feel, thereis always someonewho can relate to you. Perhaps you can’t talk to them right now, but they areout there.

28. Loveisn’t “all” you need, but if you don’t have it in some form, your life will bevery empty

We don’t need love to survive, but withoutit there will be a huge hole inside you. Make sure that every day you havesomeone (family, friends, lover) to remind you that you are special. If youpostpone this part of your life until later, after you get or do that thingyou want to do, you will continue in that lonely path indefinitely.

29. The mostimportant lessons in life can never be expressed in black and white, but mustbe experienced

I thought I knew it all back in university-- and that everything of importance can be found in books. But the truth isthat the most important things in life are very hard to put in black and white,including what I’ve said in this post.

When most of the world’s information is atour fingertips, a mouseclick away, it makes it feel like we don’t need to experience anymore. Movies, books, or “living vicariously through someone else” means we canapparently get the general gist of anything.

This is false. Experience is the greatestteacher of all. Stop reading about or watching the world passively and startliving.

Reminder about Life #6

2012-01-03T23:50:00.000+08:00

15 Life Lessons

They Don't Teach You In School

1. As Richard Carlson says, 'don't sweat the small stuff', and most of it is small stuff. Much of the time we get stressed and worked up over "stuff" that in the grand scheme of things really doesn't matter. When we allow ourselves get too caught up in it we ruin our perspective and don't take time to enjoy the moment.

2. Life can be unpredictable and throw you some curves. Just say "never" and see what happens! To avoid the jolt when life's surprises come your way, be prepared by being open-minded and maintain the positive mindset that welcomes the life lessons offered. See the article: Tips on Overcoming Adversity

3. The most boring word in any language is "I". It's wonderful to be self-confident and self-sufficient, however, it's not all about you. There is nothing more monotonous than hearing someone talk about themselves and their accomplishments endlessly. Being self-centered is not the same as having self-confidence.

4. People are more important than things. Relationships are more important than any material goods you may acquire on the road to success. Without the love and support of family and friends in life, material goods are not of much use. Setting your values and priorities can help you establish what's important.

5. Nobody else can make you happy. Your happiness and state of mind are your responsibility. It's up to each of us to know what it takes to bebalanced and happy. Our relationships enhance our lives and make them richer, but they do not "make" us happy. We do. Enjoy: 50 Ways to Be Happier

6. Character and integrity count. It's important to be a person of honor. Your good word and deeds inspire trust and confidence from family, friends and employers. Be the kind of person others are proud to know. See: 10 Character Traits Worth Developing.

7. Forgive yourself, your friends and your enemies. We are all only too human. All of us slip sometimes and make mistakes. Holding grudges and past hurts only serves to prevent us from enjoying life to the fullest. See:Forgiveness and Letting Go - How to Achieve It

8. A good joke can be better than any pill. Take time to laugh each day.Humor really is good medicine.

9. There are no substitutes for exercise, eating well, and fresh air and sunshine. Never take your health for granted, or underestimate how much feeling good physically affects your moods. Enjoy this article on The Benefits of Regular Exercise. It's full of helpful tips.

10. Persistence will eventually get you almost anything. Never give up. Keep your goals and dreams alive.

11. Television probably ruins more minds than drugs. Get away from the TV and read, exercise, learn and stretch yourself.

12. It's okay to fail. Everyone has failed at one time or another. Failure is a great life teacher. It teaches us humility and how to correct our course of action. Thomas Edison had a great attitude towards failure. He said, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." See article:Overcoming fear of Failure

13. Learn from the mistakes of others. There's an old Zen proverb that states: "It takes a wise man to learn from his mistakes, but an even wiser man to learn from others."

14. Don't be afraid to show and tell others you love them. Life is short, so learn to give and receive love. Love and be loved.

15. Live so that there is only standing room at your funeral. Be the best spouse, parent, friend, boss, worker that you can be and leave the world a better place than you found it.

(yet another) reflection of 2011

2011-12-31T22:55:00.000+08:00

So it's almost the end of 2011. It's been an amazing year for me. Thank God for my parents, who are liberal enough to let me take a gap year. Thank God for my friends, who made this year an amazing one. Thank God for everything He gave me this year, I am truly blessed.

I've been to 6 different countries, 11 different places. Tokyo, Bangkok, Wiang Kaen, Tioman, Batam, Kathmandu, Khumbu region, London, Cambridge, Hanoi, Sapa region.
I've learned to DIVE.
I've (attempted to) climb a mountain in the Himalayas, Island Peak.
I've worked with animals, both alive and dead (in alcohol) in the Singapore Zoo and the Raffles Museum.
I've helped build a house in Batam.
I moved house.
I started my nature blog. http://natureramble.wordpress.com
I started my driving lessons.
And most importantly, I've managed to keep my friends, the ones that matter.

And throughout the year, I think I've gained much. I learned how to interact in a work environment, to grow up. Not that I was immature before, but less hesitant and shy I guess. I have a better idea of what the real world is like, and how many things aren't the way it should be.

I now have a better idea of what I want, and what I don't want, to do in the future.

I have much to be thankful for, especially in the upcoming year. 9 more months of relative "freedom", before studies re-commence. And in this 9 months, I want to do things that I've always wanted to do, and try things I never thought I would do.

My resolution in 2012, is to clear the checklist of things I want to do in my gap year.

This Christmas, I haven't had many presents, in fact probably only 2. But it's the most awesome present ever.

Bubbles, are some of the most beautiful things ever. Something about bubbles bring joy and delight. Remember the times when you were young, and you went to the park to blow bubbles. And all the little kids would gather round, giggling, chasing bubbles.

They are simply mesmerizing. Maybe because a bubble is a perfect sphere, maybe because of its iridescent sheen, maybe because of its transient and insubstantial nature. Maybe because it light, maybe because it is transparent, maybe because it represents a freedom that we cannot attain.

I shall count down to the new year blowing bubbles. Because bubbles bring joy everywhere :)

2011-12-30T02:09:00.000+08:00

no matter how much i feel like simply curling under my blankets and sleeping right when i reach home, i never do. somehow, there are just things to do. or perhaps i just think i have many things to do. or like the illusion of it.

in any case, i am feeling pretty accomplished at the moment despite the late hour and my exhaustion and the prospect of work tomorrow. just made some concrete moves towards my plan for 2012.

the last 9 months of my gap "year" (technically it's 21 months). i need to make full use of it. there are many things that i want to do in my gap year that i have yet to fulfill. my last chance. ideas and suggestions are swimming around in my head, like planktonic larvae drifting in the ocean, waiting for some firm substrate to latch upon.

i'd like to reflect upon the year of 2011 right now, in fact my reflections for the year are also swimming around my head. but i guess i will have to deal with it over the next two days, because i really need to sleep right now.

somehow, reflections for 2011 aren't exactly at the top of my mind though i do feel their presence. i'm definitely more preoccupied with what happens AFTER the new year. immediately after, to be exact.

for those not in the know, i am going off to HK for my final scholarship interview. and then right after that i will get the results of university application. and within a week, i will know the scholarship application results. everything hinges on the first two weeks of jan. when i will be, incidentally, away in Bali on holiday.

on a completely unrelated note, when i was young(er), i always thought it would be cool to be a secret agent. still do in fact, but i know it's not for me. i just watched Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol with my parents who randomly had some free tickets. from reading all those novels involving (ex) secret agents and all those movies, it's the coolest job ever i think. gotta be super fit and sharp. i sometimes wonder if all those stuff we read/watch are just fiction or really what's happening.

Reminder about Life #5

2011-12-27T23:42:00.000+08:00

Hold On Tightly
by: Unknown Author

Hold on tightly to what is truly important in life.

Hold on to faith; it is the source of believing that all things are possible. It is fiber and strength of a confident soul.

Hold on to hope; it banishes doubt and enables attitudes to be positive and cheerful.

Hold on to trust; it is at the core of fruitful relationships that are secure and content.

Hold on to love; it is life's greatest gift of all, for it shares, cares, and gives meaning to life.

Hold on to family and friends; they are the most important people in your life, and they make the world a better place. They are your roots and the beginnings that you grew from; they are the vine that has grown through time to nourish you, help you on your way, and always remain close by.

Hold on to all that you are and all that you have learned, for these things are what make you unique. Don't ignore what you feel and what you believe is right and important; your heart has a way of speaking louder than your mind.

Hold on to your dreams; achieve them diligently and honestly. Never take the easy way or surrender to deceit. Remember others on your way and take time to care for their needs. Enjoy the beauty around you. Have the courage to see things differently and clearly.

Make the world a better place one day at a time, and don't let go of the important things that give meaning to your life.

2011-12-25T00:00:00.001+08:00

It's 15 minutes to Christmas! And I'm sitting all alone at home watching The King's Speech and having an online presence.

Had a great Christmas Eve, waking up late, going for breakfast at Chin Bee Chin Confectionary (along East Coast Road, it's really awesome), grocery shopping, then baking banana bread/apple crumble, doing household chores, great dinner with family and then stoning at home (:

No Christmas trees or presents this year, and Christmas shopping is non-existent, but I feel just as contented.

Christmas is made out to be a joyous occasion, not because of presents, but because of Christ's coming to us, born to us on this day (:

So I'm contented enough that God has blessed me with so much this year, and am able to have a nice dinner with my family sans older brother.

Merry Christmas to everyone, and God bless! Be glad that God sent His only son to us, rejoice in His birth! :D

Babies are all cute

A nephew of my guide in Sapa.

Reminder about Life #4

2011-12-20T23:39:00.000+08:00

Climb 'Til Your Dream Comes True

by: Helen Steiner Rice

Often your tasks will be many,
And more than you think you can do.
Often the road will be rugged
And the hills insurmountable, too.
But always remember,
The hills ahead
Are never as steep as they seem,
And with Faith in your heart
Start upward
And climb 'til you reach your dream.
For nothing in life that is worthy
Is ever too hard to achieve
If you have the courage to try it,
And you have the faith to believe.
For faith is a force that is greater
Than knowledge or power or skill,
And many defeats turn to triumph
If you trust in God's wisdom and will.
For faith is a mover of mountains,
There's nothing that God cannot do,
So, start out today with faith in your heart,
And climb 'til your dream comes true!

2011-12-15T01:12:00.003+08:00

feels like a lifetime since I last blogged. something proper.

So the interviews are over, and now it's just a waiting game. They weren't too bad I guess, I've definitely had worse interviews before. But could have been much better. If I had still remembered what I learned in A level Chemistry :/ which I didn't bother reviewing cos I didn't know I would be asked about Chem! Nonetheless, it's all over, and all I can do now is just wait for the results to be out. Getting in would be a real relief. Otherwise, I would have to crack my head and decide between Sheffield and York.

It's rather late now and I gotta wake up early tomorrow, so not gonna say more, but just a few things I've read recently that are rather interesting:
Why I Stood Up and Spoke Out by Abigail Borah from Middlebury College
Limpeh is Foreign Talent

I totally don't feel the (commercial) Christmas vibe at all. I guess it's something that you lose once your relatives decide that you're too old for presents. Christmas is about celebrating the birth of Christ and sharing the love (: (though I don't think I'm doing much of that either :/ getting very self-centred, oh dear ><)

Reminder about Life #3

2011-12-13T23:37:00.000+08:00

The Road Not Taken

by: Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Reminder about Life #2

2011-12-06T23:36:00.000+08:00

Success

by: Ralph Waldo Emerson

To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty,
To find the best in others,
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child,
A garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.

Greetings from Cambridge!

2011-12-05T04:14:00.001+08:00

In Cambridge for 3 days for my university interview. 2 interviews, to be exact. And they're academic interviews, meaning I need to remember all my A level stuff, plus all the others that I am supposedly interested in! Ahh :/

I keep hearing "aiya you'll be able to get it one lah", but honestly, it's damn hard. Everyone who applies probably have the same creds as me. It's not as easy to differentiate myself from the rest of the crowd, as compared to when in singapore. Haiz ah wells, still gotta try my best. And pray really hard!

The city itself is really pretty though! All the old buildings and architecture, the river and the blue skies. Mostly spent the day walking around, familiarising with the streets and buildings. Went to the Church of Our Lady and the English Martyrs for mass. One of those old cathedrals, with glass-stained windows and the typical cross-shaped layout. And the choir includes a clarinet, violin, guitar players! Also spent more than an hour in a bookstore. It's awesome, it's like heaven for bookphilics! It spans 4 floors, and has a diverse range of topics. Reminds me greatly of Borders, which very sadly closed down :( But in any case I spent close to 100pds in that bookstore. I'll probably go London and get more books still.

It's rather cold here (though no where as near as up in the mountain in Nepal), and I suspect if I really do have the fortune of coming here next year, I'll get fat. Chocolate bars are only 50pc!

On a random note, I think my body acclimatises to different time zones pretty well. I'm not feeling jet-lagged, while my dad has already crashed.

Got a day more to prepare for the Slaughter! Though from what I've read so far, it's really not supposed to be scary.

Reminders about life #1

2011-11-29T23:34:00.001+08:00

Don't Quit

by: Unknown Author

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit.
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns
As every one of us sometimes learns.
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out:
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far:
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

I think I shall post a Reminder About Life weekly. Cos we all need reminders.

2011-11-28T00:54:00.001+08:00

I Hope You Dance - Lee Ann Womack

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances, but they're worth takin'
Lovin' might be a mistake, but it's worth makin'
Don't let some Hellbent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to sellin' out, reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along)
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder, where those years have gone?)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

Dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along)
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder, where those years have gone?)

Personally, I don't dance. But this is one of those songs that you never tire of hearing. Always a reminder of how we should be living life. Speaks to everyone, not just dancers.

I hope you live life to the fullest, with no regrets.

2011-11-27T23:36:00.001+08:00

i can feel the stress. it's appearing all over my face :/

going to uk next week for my uni interview, praying really hard that it will go well! and hopefully there'll be more good news sometime this week..
studying/prepping for interview is not easy.

and i finally processed the film from Nepal trip! got the negatives now. turns out my older bro has a film scanner (Canoscan 8800F) that he conveniently (for me) left behind in Sg that i can use! only i need to figure how to use it first. it's not cooperating with me.

then i'll be able to get digital photos :D

finally went to my (paternal) grandma's house for lunch today, after more than a month. she lives in Hougang, in a wooden house on stilts (okay they're not as skinny as stilts. more like short pillars?), has a working well, and all sorts of other cool things that one can rarely find in Singapore anymore. i really think her house ought to be converted into a museum and opened up for visitors.
but meanwhile, what i really want to do, is to jot down her stories and memories and essentially write down a piece of my family history. been wanting to do that since As ended, i think, but procrastination got the better of me (as always), and i told myself i would do it after the Nepal trip. which is now.

i want to record down stories from the past, family traditions and the house. i think it's all part of our heritage, and i feel the need to share it, especially when most youths like me dont know such things. and i guess this is my gap year project.

it's all rather sketchy, still swimming in bits in my head at the moment. more procrastination perhaps, but i dont think i can progress much on this end with uni interviews still hanging over my head.

just a quick preview of what i'm probably gonna delve deeper into

something my grandma adds into her fried rice. it's a pretty long process. but not sure how long this "secret family ingredient" dates back to. at least 4 generations now, but well, for more info i'll definitely need to ask my grandma/granduncle. i wonder what other traditions there are that i know not of.

and some photos of what my grandma house looks like will be up once i process my last roll of film and figure how to scan it.

2011-11-21T23:53:00.001+08:00

the period for interviews is here! again.

i still have a lot of work to do in perfecting my interview skills. especially when it involves talking about myself. it's so hard to talk about your positive points!

though i already went through one round of interviews earlier in the year, i dont think i have "mastered" interviews.

ahhhh!!

it's especially unnerving when a lot hinges upon the interview. those interviews for psb/what not we had in sec sch? nothing compared to university/scholarship interviews.

freaking out.

Volunteerism in Singapore

2011-11-20T00:34:00.000+08:00

i was in the National Volunteer and Philanthropy Centre at Central on Thursday. as i sat there listening to the discussion, it made me think about volunteerism in singapore.

am i the only one who finds it strange that people need to go to a Centre to find causes to volunteer with? perhaps it's just something that never occurred to me, that you could go somewhere, like an all-in-one buffet, and volunteer at a whole host of activities. the end objective is to help these people find a cause that they will commit to, and leave the Centre. kind of like a holding area.

maybe these people just havent found their passion in life, or they dont know where are the places they can go to volunteer. but i think it makes it too easy to volunteer. everything is served up on a silver platter and all you need to do is put your name down.

having to go out there, search for a cause you believe in, and then volunteer with them, i think that's more preferable. at least it shows some sort of commitment and dedication, that you bothered to go find and put your name down. perhaps a kind of filter, a natural barrier.

nonetheless, it's good that people want to volunteer.

shift in mindset
i dont remember who i was talking to, but i recall having a conversation about how singaporeans have changed. in the 1990s (or perhaps before that), everything seemed to be about the 5Cs. Cash, Condo, Credit, Car and Club. maybe that has something to do with population demographics and the profile of the working class back then. and how their experiences shaped their expectations of life. a rather materialistic society.

yet now, while economic, housing and transport issues still feature, there is also a greater awareness about nature and the environment, volunteerism and charity. perhaps the more humane side of singaporeans are developing. after all, it's only after you have secured your next meal that you start thinking about what to do with your free time.

and all this is great (: i guess that's how the Chek Jawa issue really stunned the government and Singaporeans as well.

digging through messy archives
was clearing Siva's office desk on Thursday after the NVPC visit, and we un-earthed a lot of archaeological finds. it made me realise that all that we see now, was the product of many many years of hardwork. there was research done on biodiversity in singapore manyyy years ago. i dont know if there were more research done in the past than at present, but you know, most people dont even think you can work in this field in singapore! then again, most people dont know what biodiversity we have in singapore, nor our natural history.

but i think it's only in recent years that outreach and education picked up. maybe from the time Chek Jawa was discovered and subsequently rescued. and the scientists/naturalists/conservationists realised that hey, singaporeans actually care about our biodiversity and want to know more. and then when data supporting this was presented to the government, reclamation of Chek Jawa was deferred, surprising all, cos i guess no one really expected that the govt would put aside development for something like Chek Jawa. apparently at that time, the climate was really different, and people were afraid to speak up against the govt.

in any case, looking at historical artefacts really put things into perspective. makes you feel so little and insignificant. and i realise the importance of dating my books! so that when i grow old and look through my books, i'll be able to recollect and reminisce.

2011-11-19T01:18:00.001+08:00

the familiar feeling of having too many things to do and not enough time!!

wish we could live without sleep, but unfortunately my body requires min. 6 hours of sleep every night to be fully functional, and i've been depriving it lately.

i need to be way more efficient.

2011-11-15T23:56:00.001+08:00

photo snapshots of the trek!

2 bag packs to check-in, 1 bag pack for essentials on flight and 1 camera bag (on the other side). after passing through the customs, started feeling queer and promptly got a fever on the flight to Bangkok.

trying on plastic boots and cramp-ons at Kathmandu!

our airplane to Lukla

the entire width is probably the span of my arms.

fell asleep before take-off. halfway through the flight i woke up, feeling queasy.

touch down at Lukla, and apparently all those guys are porters waiting for jobs!

and we started our trek (after i puked a bit)!

lunch: dal baht, which i do not fancy at all.

lunch point, where i first diarrhea-ed

after a night of diarrhea-ing in the town of Chumoa, and another day's trek, we arrived at Namche Bazar! the biggest town in the Khumbu region (Himalayan area)

on the hike up to the hospital. which was closed. i was drugged with pills for diarrhea, vomiting and stomach pains.

Big Joce and Small Joce! inspiration during the trip.

some mountain in the distance, not too sure of ID... :P

at the last town before Island Peak, Chuk Khung

trek en-route to base camp. the trek to base camp was fairly alright, but the trek back to Chuk Khung was insanely long and tiring. Though admittedly i was having a headache (a sign of AMS)

our tents at high camp! barren landscape, with no toilet. i pooped a few metres downhill from our tents in the snow at night.

after we came back down all the way to Chumoa.

the world's most dangerous airport runway. vis was not too bad, can see the end of the runway.

on friday (when we were supposed to be back in Singapore), the vis was terrible.

everyone gathered to watch the first plane leave Lukla in 6 days (or something like that) on Sat evening!

at the helipad, where everyone was either waiting for the chopper out, or porters waiting for jobs to come in.

at the military airbase, we met our Aussie friends again! First was at Deboche, second at Lukla, then here. And in Kathmandu, we met the guy on the right yet again! I meant to take a photo with them in Lukla, but we left in such a hurry i didnt have time to go around looking for them. but God must have heard me, cos there they were lepaking on the grass when we landed at the airbase!

they were super hardcore, slept in tents almost all the way and did Mera peak and Island peak.

weather here in Lama Dala (not sure of spelling) was in such stark contrast with Lukla. bright sun and heat! i stripped to just my t-shirt and laid everything else out to dry.

the Singaporean couple we met while in Lukla. they did Everest Base Camp trek, and previously went on many other rather hard-core treks.

last night in Kathmandu, we went to this restaurant called Rum Doodle, where many teams go to after their expeditions. we were given this footprint which we could decorate and put up anywhere in the restuarant; ours was on the ceiling right at the entrance!

sights of Nepal will be up next.. probably after i finally get round to developing my film...

2011-11-13T02:50:00.000+08:00

this trip has been epic on many levels. but it has also been an important one, to me. in terms of group dynamics, i think it turned out surprisingly (or not) well, given how we're all rather different, and the age gap.. but then again, being climbers, i guess we're all also about the same. part of a small percentage of nutters from singapore who would attempt to do such a thing as climb a mountain 6189m high.

anyway, the entire story of my trip would be too long to post here, and i'm not about to write a book (unlike the many mountaineers who pen their adventure/triumph/sorrow as i saw in bookstores). mostly just a reflection of my trip.

so i was asked, on our "last day" of trek, what my 3 main takeaways were. maybe i am used to facilitation, after all those years of formal schooling with "experiential learning", cos i was already thinking about that. in fact, i was already thinking about what to blog.

1) self-discovery. cliche maybe, but when you really climb a mountain (not metaphorically), it exposes who you really are. and i guess i was stronger than i thought i was. in the first place, i already think my comfort zone is pretty big, compared to most others (boys and girls) my age. yet there were many times during the trek when i felt like giving up. close to breaking down, even. in the end though, i still pushed on, and surprised myself with how far i went. (and no, i didnt summit. came within 2 hours of the summit but was too tired)

2) the environment. there are times when you can overcome the physical exhaustion to think about other loftier contemplations that doesnt revolve around your next step.
how the environment is being degraded by such activities, erosion and weathering.
how development in nepal has reached what to me is a rather curious stage, where there are no roads or motorised vehicles and people go to different towns on foot/horseback/yaks, yet people are not in desperate poverty (unlike what i see in many other places).
and most of all, how Nature still triumphs over man. we may flatten our hills and level our valleys, fill sand in our seas and dig up sediments from our land. yet in certain places, no matter what you do, Nature still holds the trump card. and we are at its mercy. mountaineers fully appreciate this. no one tries to "conquer" a mountain; that is too presumptuous of us.

3) faith in God. through the most grueling times, that's when faith is what gets you up more than physical strength. without Him, i most definitely would not have gone as far as i did. prayer and hymns got me up. all i can do is to praise the Lord for giving me strength and determination.

but perhaps the conversations we had on the mountain are the most weighty and valuable. i realise that i need to exercise more clarity and brevity in my thoughts, conversations and writings. and we talked just about everything. mountaineering to relationships to diet and excretion to consumer psyche to education to interviews. and probably more. with little else that we do each day apart from eat, walk, shit and sleep, conversations filled the gap.

all in all, i guess i got more out of this trip than i bargained for. in a good way. and i'm glad i have the fortune to be able to take such a trip at my age, with such company.

on to the more factual aspects of the trip, here are some "highlights"
1) being ill. having a fever, loss of appetite, terrible diarrhea (having to walk 10m to the squat toilet in the cold to 'lao sai' 3 times in the night is no joke), queasiness and vomiting while on a mountaineering trip is not the best thing to start with. honestly, i dont recall having been so ill before in my life, and it was not pleasant nor comfortable having to deal with it 2000-3000m high up. but thanks to the conscientious care and nursing accorded by better-conditioned friends, i recovered well enough to continue with the trek and climb.

2) the summit push. when i left singapore on 18 oct, i had the idea that this would be the main highlight of the trip. guess God had other plans.
when you're on your way up, especially in the dead of the night with just a headlamp to light the way, you really question what the hell you're doing there. pure mind over body. after we reached cramp-on point, and when we were nearing the ice wall, we saw a dead body being dragged down by the Sherpas/porters. he succumbed to Acute Mountain Sickness (AMS) after coming down from the summit from what i heard. his body was left there for a day or two because of poor weather conditions, before they brought it down to base camp for it to be ferried to Kathmandu (presumably) by helicopter.
mountaineering is actually a very selfish sport. there is nothing in it except for the individual. especially when the risks are high -- climbing at the Death Zone (7600m and above).

3) flight delay in lukla and the subsequent evacuation. the hope that the clouds will clear in spite of how everything indicates otherwise. followed by the frantic formulation of contingency plans. and then the wait. when the plane which got stranded in Lukla before the clouds came in finally took off on Saturday evening, everyone in town gathered around the airport and cheered :D and on Sun morning, right after breakfast, we packed our bags, ran 1.5 hours down the mountain to the helipad (an open field), and took a chopper to a military airbase about 20 minutes away. followed by a plane back to Kathmandu :D

other trivialities from the trip
taking a dump at 5250m

taking a dump when it was snowing at about 5400m

appreciating a toilet bowl and toilet paper. and solid walls. among many other creature comforts.

meeting other people along the path, and talking to them. a few people whom we kept meeting and had some kind of rapport include an Aussie trio who did Mera peak and then Island peak, while staying in tents. met them once while still pretty high up on the mountain, another time when we were back in Lukla, again at the airbase and yet again in Kathmandu.

how everyone there seems united by a purpose, with a common thread linking all of us. not that you feel bonded to them, but just that strangers talk to each other in a way that you dont see on a usual holiday. i mean, no one, while on holiday at the beaches in Gold Coast, for example, would go up to another bunch of people there and make small talk. or maybe there are such people.

definitely, there are many other parts of the trip i've left out. there's just too much to cover, and if i write out everything, this would become an extremely boring, day-by-day account of 23 days in Nepal.

i have realised that there needs to be a fundamental change in the way i live though. but that is a topic for a blogpost another day. i'm too tired to say anymore now.

photos will be up another day. cant wait to develop my film and see how my photos turned out. Olympus was not so tough after all, and gave up on me during summit push.

The team (from left): Alvin, (Big) Joce, Kim, Chew, Me, Joe and Siyuan
Photo credit: Kim and her G11

Thanks guys for the trip of my life (so far) :D

2011-11-13T02:45:00.001+08:00

changed my blog template, first time in at least 4 years. i think my old one had more personality. shall see how, maybe i'll switch back after a while.

changed template cos this can receive comments. still havent figured how to incorporate that element into my old template.

2011-11-10T02:28:00.000+08:00

oh dear, meant to post this on Wed night but it turns out it wasn't published. not too late now i guess. (timestamp reflects the date first drafted. post was published 13 Nov 1am+)

i'm back from the mountains in nepal!!!

this trip is so epic on so many levels, i'll need a lot of time to process and publish my thoughts. to make it coherent and clear.

but briefly, it's been a great trip, a great experience. appreciate singapore a lot more.

conversations and company were also irreplaceable.

i learnt a lot from this trip about almost everything one could learn in life.

on a more frivolous note, whoever said we'll lose weight on the mountains clearly generalised.

2011-10-17T23:44:00.001+08:00

leaving for Island Peak (aka Imja Tse) in Nepal tomorrow!! excited but wondering if can make it.

itinerary here, if you're interested.

spent the day buying last minute things and submitting scholarship application and half panicking. and i ate durian :)

and i had a $2.60 haircut. :D

2 bag packs (18kg), 1 carry on pack and 1 camera bag with film camera. i hope i manage to shoot decent photos!! but there's always digital for backup :P or maybe it's the other way round, if olympus tough is not tough enough...

k see you guys back on 4 nov! :)

2011-10-17T01:44:00.002+08:00

i think i'll change my blog template. but after i'm back from nepal.

anyway it was a pretty good weekend! B&J chunkfest yesterday was a bit of a disappointment. they started 20 minutes late, we all had to wear red wrist tags (that serve no purpose other than to identify you as someone who came for chunkfest) and it started drizzling! it was on a very muddy grass patch too.

so soff and i grabbed our Americone Dream and Late Night Snack, which tasted almost exactly the same except that Late Night Snack was saltier, and left. but at least i went for chunkfest. and know not to go for another one instead. free cone day over chunkfest anytime!!

and managed to pull off my mom's surprise birthday party today. a couple of lies, a house visit to my mom's sec sch friend, some messages and emails, a lot of coordinating by my dad and some from jon, with video contribution by my older bro. it turned out pretty well. mom was very very surprised, the guests seemed to enjoy themselves and best of all, my mom collected $2k plus! cos birthday presents are usually not very useful and it's such a pain for ppl to think of what to bring, and anyway my mom's trying to raise funds for our church mission trip in Dec, so decided to ask the guests to donate money to charity instead of giving her presents. and she's topping it up dollar for dollar :D

so it's been a pretty slack weekend, but i've got lots of things left to do. scholarship application, tying up loose ends for work, last minute buying and packing for the trip...

and i borrowed a film camera from my bro's friend! hopefully photos wont turn out horrendous D: D: film cameras are actually pretty cool cos you anticipate the time when you can develop your film and find out what your photos look like.

2011-10-15T01:33:00.002+08:00

I had a wonderful day today!!! :D

first, had an unexpected trip to Changi :) :) with NUS year 1 life sciences students. saw lots of awesome creatures :) they did seine-netting off the beach, and some groups managed to catch very awesome stuff like swimming sea anemone!

and sea horse!

among many other awesome things :) will blog about it here later.

and then after that i went climbing! yay, climbed twice this week :) though no rock climbing for the next 3 weeks... only ice climbing near the peak! D:

being the day before Climb On, there were very few people at Onsight. and with most people not free to climb/overseas, i climbed with jon only, and managed to climb more than i have in a while (:

and i thought i lost my atc and karabiner, but i found it in the lost & found corner of Onsight! :) yayy. and i found a necklace i thought i lost, and my ucas application has finally been submitted!

so today was a very awesome day (: i hope the weekend will be awesome too.

there's Ben & Jerry's Chunkfest tomorrow!! hope the queues wont be ridiculously long and the price ridiculously high.

i'm thinking of changing my blog template. it hasnt changed for 3 years i think. and blogger suggested new templates. should i change? if i do, it means readers can add comments etc, but i think my photos will have to go...

2011-10-12T01:51:00.002+08:00

i suck at a lot of things, but i dont really care, mostly. i suck at physics, i'm not exactly a top sportsperson, i cant really do humanities, and my arts is non-existent. i cant draw, my piano playing is merely passable, i cant dance for nuts, and i can barely sing.

i cant care less about physics, or soccer/badminton/whatever, but something about music really draws me. dance and art can interest me for a while, but not for long. i guess music is something that most people deem as very important as well.

only when i see little kids sing, and sing well, i feel like, damn why i cant sing half as well! and thanks to yapsihui, i totally wasted my night listening to kids singing on youtube. Maddi Jane, Noelle and Connie Talbot (not new. though it's interesting to see how she've grown up since she first appeared on international news).

America has lots of talent, really, i dont understand why they're not trying to save themselves. i saw this article some days ago about America. it was written by Thomas Friedman, about what needs to be done for US to continue thriving and what isnt being done. probably the same old, he probably has been talking about it for quite some time already.

not that i really care about the US, i still prefer UK. my only gripe is that whoever films Connie Talbot's videos should probably invest in a better sound system. Maddi Jane and Noelle sound so much better, though Connie also has a beautiful voice (and she looks more innocent).

argh, my self-discipline is terrible. less than a week to departure and i'm still not done with my scholarship application :/ and it's so late now.

2011-10-10T00:43:00.000+08:00

i have noticed how facebook is taking over the world. my world at least.

i used to go on msn every. single. night. without fail. then i got a macbook, and anyway went to junior college, where i realise most people are busy studying and hardly go online. or they have training till so late at night they scarcely have the energy to go online. and i got adium.

but the new hotmail interface has some chat thingy as well, and that interferes with adium i think, so for a while now, i've stopped logging onto adium. the hotmail chat thing is automatic, when i check my hotmail, so i just leave it there. only thing is, it doesnt alert me when someone's chatting with me, and i hardly visit my hotmail page. so i usually end up "ignoring" them.

and most unfortunately, i check my fb page very often. just like a typical singaporean (we hold the record for spending the most time on fb). but anyway, so i get alerted to people chatting with me on fb very quickly.

so i've realised that recently, i've been chatting with people online almost entirely on fb! D:

and i've been noticing a trend of posting picture quotes on fb. which reminds me of tumblr.

on an unrelated note, it's a little more than a week to nepal!!!! ahhhh. last minute things to prepare. today was the last training D: slack training, i like (:

i have many things to blog. only keep procrastinating :/ (i have stopped using the "no time" excuse)

2011-10-08T02:09:00.002+08:00

looking through my gmail now, trying to clear my inbox (learning to use the Archive function). and it just provided me with a kinda sneak peek into the life i was leading back in rg days. research studies (rs) stuff, then there was student congress for a while, and student leaders network (sln), and hadley house committee, then asia pacific conference for giftedness (apcg), then dwen an service learning exchange programme, tripod camp, some outdoor activities club (odac) and overseas service learning (osl) stuff, a smattering of academic subject matters and a bit of work experience programme (wep) and farewell alma mater (fam) stuff...

i dont know how i managed my last 2 years of secondary school life. i just remember it was hectic and stressful but also my most enjoyable 2 years of sec sch.

kinda tired now. went to the Zoo for children's day! (: miss the place very much. was really nice to be back. i realise i really enjoy talking to little kids and telling them about biodiversity/conservation issues.

2011-10-02T01:35:00.000+08:00

had a great weekend (so far).

thursday was half a nightmare, after finding out from the College Admissions Office (newly set up!) that i MUST apply to cambridge through the school, else they wont recognise that i've an A levels cert. minor panicking ensued, but i'm glad that with the efficiency and support from awesome teachers, applications should be able to make it through without further problems

also had a good chat with mr lim, and well i guess i should be writing more. not here, but on my other blog. scientific writing, i guess? :/ gap year is not slack.

after work on friday, attended a seminar on illegal wildlife trade in cambodia, and what Wildlife Alliance has been doing to combat it. captivating and enriching, i really liked what they were doing and it's awesome that such people/organisations exist -- gives people like me hope (:

would have stayed on for the q&a session, but had to rush to snow city to test our gear for nepal, and practice some ropework! undoubtedly fun, though cold. made me wish we were going nepal just for fun and not to climb a mountain T.T i'm starting to question if i can actually make it.

after 2 hours in sub zero temperatures, headed to the zoo for a "slumber party". great fun and payback, but i couldnt hold out past 2am? and for the first time in a veryyy long time, i didnt shower before sleeping at night. was too tired. still am tired. permanently tired and sleep deprived - i think my eyes are now half their previous size.

attended 2 weddings today; first was as part of church choir, second was my distant aunt's wedding at sentosa beach. and saw 2 weddings in the zoo in the morning as well. been attending a number of weddings, esp this month. which inevitably led me to wonder about my own wedding. needless to say, i cannot imagine the groom (though my church friend predicts someone lean, sporty, intelligent and humourous). nonetheless, i thought about where i'd want to have my wedding, the food i'll have, the ceremonies etc etc. haha and conclusion is i cant be bothered thinking about all that when it's all still so far away in the distant future. the first couple in the morning dated for 12 years before the question was popped. the second couple is in their early 30s. and my dad said i have to be married by 26 or 27, i dont rmb. i highly doubt that will happen.

my brain is calling for sleep now, and my macbook too. guess my symposium (and many other posts) will need to remain on hold :/

2011-09-27T23:57:00.005+08:00

sport cars annoyed the shit out of me. it's not that they're not environmentally friendly or whatever (though that's a partial reason). it's the NOISE they make. i dont know if it's cos of F1, or cos of where i'm staying now, but i keep hearing a lot of sports cars these days.

annoying people who drive around sports cars in the night, i hear them revving and zooming off, and i secretly hope they'll crash and never buy another sports car again. evil of me, i know, but seriously. people are trying to do work/sleep, and the annoying engine noise the car makes just pisses me off. and seriously, do you really need a sports car in singapore? where there are traffic lights every 50m or something, and the speed limit on expressways is 90km/h or something?

annoying show-offs :/ sighs that was just 2 paragraphs of pure ranting. but i honestly cant stand those cars.

and there's also this thing that makes this beeping noise at night. like a car beeping thrice. pause a few seconds then beeps thrice again. starts at around dusk all the way through the night, i think. wouldnt know if it's exactly all through the night cos i would be asleep by 2am latest. but it's annoying me as well. might be some kind of animal... if i could know what it is, i'd feel better about it. but as it is, it just annoys me as well.

or maybe i'm just in an easily annoyed mood. i cant wait for my ucas submissions to be over.

island peak is in 3 weeks. i'm still feeling a little surreal. i know it's happening but i'm not really processing it. i'm thinking about it in a very logical, rational way, cos i know it's coming and i think about what i need to prepare. but i dont know, still not really really feeling it i guess. a bit like that time in s3 during ringers syf. i went through the whole thing knowing it, but not really feeling it.

2011-09-25T22:35:00.002+08:00

turns out i did appear on tv news (briefly), where i was talking to Minister of State for National Development Tan Chuan-Jin at yesterday's symposium! telling him about... seagrass! and Cyrene Reef :) he seemed more interested in sea stars at Cyrene than seagrass though...

people may not think much of seagrass, but i owe seagrass quite a bit actually... my first documentary appearance (again, briefly), magazine interview, shaking hands plus a picture with Jane Goodall, and most of all, my passion for Nature haha.

will post on yesterday's symposium soon, but for now gotta concentrate on uni applications. for the sake of my future, i have forgone my climbing and Island Peak training and blogging on the symposium...

2011-09-25T00:44:00.001+08:00

i am feeling the stress of uni applications all over again. especially this time to a place like Cambridge. After much deliberation and fickle-mindedness, i think i'll apply to Cambridge over Oxford. if anyone feels otherwise, i would be glad to hear your opinion, but i dont have much time left so i'll prob still stick with Cam anw.

and yes, i missed the Singapore deadline for Cambridge admissions, which means i will need to fly over for my interview (if i make it past the 20% cut). just thinking about it stresses me out; expectations and more expectations.

i will have to stop procrastinating and send out everything soon. apparently i will need to snail mail my transcript and reference over. by 15 october.

on a less personal note, the Biodiversity of Singapore Symposium III (BoSS3) is over! i really enjoyed myself during the symposium, it was a platform of wonderful stories and updates and what the past was and what the future will be like. i will blog more on this later.

i managed to make my point (again) about the lack of biodiversity/ecology education on secondary schools/junior colleges. first was during Open Lab Opening Ceremony, to the Director General of MOE. whether she remembered and took action, i dont know, but apparently change is underway for the sec sch bio syllabus... :)

2011-09-17T00:18:00.003+08:00

so today marks the last day of my first full-time job.

though technically i was considered a part-timer, but since i had to go to work everyday, i think it's pretty full-time. it was a really good 8 months in the Zoo, and the experience really opened up my eyes. to the real world.

being in a corporate environment, almost everything is about business and economics. and the "higher-up's decisions". some things make no sense (like canceling Halloween Horrors when it's been in the works for 7 months, 2 weeks before the event), but even if everyone disagrees with it, as long as THE ONE says it, no one can do much about it. everything is just so political and annoyingly hierarchal and rigid.

but disregarding the upper level management issues, on the ground level, it's really been a great time for me. i really feel fortunate to have this for my first job, where colleagues are very nice and understanding and friendly and nice to be around; where they're no longer just colleagues in a workplace but people whom i can call friends. and whom i can trust.

the cleaners, horticulture uncle, entrance staff, keepers and in fact, almost everyone you meet around the zoo will all be missed. it's a very nice and friendly culture, and i will really miss the time i've spent there. despite the 1.5-2 hour, twice daily journeys, waking up early and going home late.

i will miss lunch time topics, tea time chats, doing classes, interacting with people/tourists in the park. answering calls, replying emails, creating order entries, sending out 1200++ mail to preschools around singapore etc. and most of all, taking care of the department's animals.

i never really liked animals before, but now i'm much better with them. gonna miss all of them very much, being able to play with them and take care of them.

just too many things in my head now, too tired to process and output in a sensible manner. been a mad, long week, and this weekend is just as packed with coastal cleanup tomorrow morning at lim chu kang east mangrove.

work at the museum starts next week. i'm highly anticipating it, still not too sure what exactly i'll be doing. but i will dearly miss my old job. and all the friends whom i've been seeing almost daily the past few months.

2011-09-16T00:24:00.005+08:00

random thought, but while walking home today, i thought about my future and i realised, i probably won't have kids. as much as i really love them and want to have some of my own.

maybe cos i'm selfish, or maybe i'm just thinking of them. i want to do lots of things, esp travel, and to have my kids having to tag along with me where ever i go would not be fair to them, neither would leaving them behind in singapore while i go around. and i suppose i would want to dedicate myself whole heartedly to my job, and not have to think about other things.

but then again, this world is getting in worse and worse shape. would i really want my kids to live in a world where you can only find animals in zoos, and plants in nature parks? where ppl know how to interact with a machine more than a fellow human being? or i dunno, i cant really fathom what life will be like a couple of decades down the road. would things get better, or worse? will more people start caring for the environment, from individuals all the way to corporations and governments? and everyone lives life sustainably and economics is not the driving force of the world? or will everything just slowly go to depletion as we create more and more man-made things and ignore the natural world?

i'm starting to rant, so maybe i shall stop. in any case, i'm no where near marriage even, so let's not get ahead of ourselves and think of kids.

this week has been a long week. extremely long. and next week, i'll be starting a new job in a new place with new people.

so many things to do. honestly, my biggest fear is probably disappointment. of disappointing myself, and disappointing others. i feel like too many people have got too many expectations of me, and i'm not delivering. i dont want to let anyone down.

really tired. it's been a mad week with too many late nights and too many things happening.

2011-09-13T00:27:00.001+08:00

been working 3 nights in a row. sat, sun mon night. all for Mid-Autumn festival. aka Moon Night festival. well, for my last weekend there, it sure gave me a taste of how working in a corporate environment might be.

tired out. many things on my mind, many things to do -- that i'm afraid i'm not able to do. which compounds the stress.

i'll be starting work (read: internship) at a new place next week onwards. to most, i guess it's not as fun/cool as my current. but those who know, well it's pretty cool. i'm not quite sure what exactly i'll be doing there, but it's definitely quite different from what i'm doing now.

i will miss the animals. not gonna be able to cuddle or play with them whenever i want to. gonna miss all the fun as well, cos undoubtedly this job has many fun moments. and definitely will miss the people. i'm real glad my first work experience (proper one and not a 2 week Work Experience Programme) was with these awesome people.

the haze is perpetual :/ not that i'm really badly affected by it. it actually makes the reservoir look very un-singaporean.

24 hours in a day is not enough.

2011-09-10T01:29:00.003+08:00

sometime through the day today i realised i havent blogged here in a long time. super busy recently, been staying up late and waking up early. in fact, i think i slept more during camp then when i'm out of camp.

still many things on my mind, but i really need to get to bed soon cos there's training tomorrow. diee, i'm gonna dieee. and this weekend is madness because of mid-autumn festival.

climbing today was good though, i felt really satisfied (: after not climbing in two weeks, haha i managed to climb a little further then i thought i could. it feels good when with every move you think you're gonna fall, but somehow you still manage to hang on :D though admittedly they werent a hard route, i just have zero endurance (on the wall) now.

2011-08-30T01:20:00.003+08:00

sending people off at the airport is always sad.

it makes me wonder about if and when i go overseas, what will it be like. probably, everyone's too busy with school to bother.

really needs sleep, my mood's getting worse. sleep is always the best form of escapism for me.

and my mac is annoying me. screen has a connection problem, if not held at a certain, precise angle, the screen whites out and doesnt respond. need to get it fixed, soon.

convince me that i'm not wasting my life. and tell me what i want out of it.

The Man Who Can't Be Moved - The Script

Going Back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand
Saying, "If you see this girl can you tell her where I am?"

Some try to hand me money, they don't understand
I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense but what else can I do
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you

'cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

Policeman says, "Son you can't stay here"
I said, "There's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year"
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go

[Chorus:]
'cause If one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving,
I'm not moving, I'm not moving

People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world

Maybe I'll get famous as the man who can't be moved
Maybe you wont mean to but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner
'cause you'll know it's just for you
I'm the man who can't be moved

[Chorus 2x]

Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag, I'm not gonna move

i dont know whether to think the guy is really sweet and has a lot of perseverance, or that he's an idiot wasting his time when he could be doing more productive things. (watch the official music video)

2011-08-28T23:26:00.003+08:00

Oh no, it's so sad, I only posted twice this month, and it's almost the end of the month already! Doubt I will ever let this blog die though, it holds too much of me.

Just that I've been pre-occupied with a number of things that I don't seem to be able to find the time to visit this place. With Coastal Cleanup, Island Peak preparations, university applications, and I dunno what else. Though come to look at my calendar, I actually seem to have quite a number of free days. Ah wells.

Had another crazy Sunday, church canteen duty so had to be there by 645am, and doing manual labour all the way till 130pm, then rushing down to Bukit Timah for training with a 19kg backpack. But I'm glad though, today for canteen, instead of using disposables (styrofoam >:( ) as we usually do, I decided that enough was enough, I will wash the plates/bowls if we have to, but we're not using disposables. (: Had another "green debate" with the others about whether it's more harmful wasting water to wash dishes or using styrofoam disposables.

And it's pretty sad that not many people know about the Pacific Garbage Patch. Maybe I only knew cos of my interest in it, but wells. Basically, almost all our trash, unless incinerated and buried properly like in Semakau in Singapore, ends up in gyres in the oceans. There, there are metres and metres of trash. Literally, you'll be swimming through a pool of trash. Only it's a pretty big area and the trash goes down pretty deep. It's just disgusting, and sad that humans have managed to wreak so much destruction and change the surface of the earth so much.

Back to random, unimportant things in life, I'm hooked on the Channel 8 9pm drama serial. Bad thing, to be hooked on TV. Lucky the series ending soon.

I need more intellectual, stimulating and enriching things. Like how animals in captivity have enrichment activities to keep their minds active, I think I need that too. Desperately, before my brain cells degenerate and I become stupid in university. Rather, I need to remember all the things I have to do. Uni apps for one, studying for FTT and a number of other things. Argh.

i guess i wasn't too wrong either. doesnt make it any less painful though.

You Can't Stop the Beat - Hairspray

You can't stop an avalanche as it races down the hill
You can try to stop the seasons, girl, but you know you never will
And you can try to stop my dancin' feet, but I just cannot stand still!

'Cause the world keeps spinnin' round and round
And my heart's keepin' time to the speed of sound
I was lost 'til I heard the drums, and I found my way
'Cause you can't stop the beat

Ever since this whole world began
A woman found out if she shook it, she could shake up a man
And so I'm gonna shake and shimmy it the best that I can today
'Cause you can't stop the motion of the ocean or the sun in the sky
You can wonder if you wanna, but I'll never ask why
And if you try to hold me down, I'm gonna spit in your eye and say
That You Can't Stop the Beat!

You can't stop the river as it rushes to the sea
You can try to stop the hands of time, but you know it just can't be!
And if they try to stop us, Seaweed, I'll call the N double A C P

Cause the world keeps spinnin round and round
And my heart's keepin time to the speed of sound
I was lost 'til I heard the drums, then I found my way
Cause you can't stop the beat!

Ever since we first saw the light
A man and woman like to shake it on a Saturday night
So I'm gonna shake and shimmy it with all of my might today
Cause you can't stop the motion of the ocean, or the rain from above
You can try to stop the paradise were dreamin' of
But you cannot stop the rhythm of two hearts in love to stay
'Cause you can't stop the beat!

You can't stop my happiness, cause I like the way I am
And you just can't stop my knife and fork when I see a Christmas Ham!
And if you don't like the way I look, well, I just don't give a damn!
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/h/hairspray/you_cant_stop_the_beat.html ]
Cause the world keeps spinnin' round and round
And my hearts keepin time to the speed of sound
I was lost 'til I heard the drums, then I found my way

Cause you can't stop the beat...

Ever since this whole world began
A woman found out if she shook it she could shake up a man
So I'm gonna shake and shimmy it the best that I can today!
Cause you can't stop the motion of the ocean or the sun in the sky
You can wonder if you wanna but I'll never ask why
And if you try to hold me down, I'm gonna spit in your eye and say
That you can't stop the beat!

Oh, Oh, Oh
You can't stop today [No! ]
As it comes speeding 'round the track [oooh, child yes! ]
Yesterday is hist'ry [be gone! ]
And it's never comin' back! [Look ahead, cause...]
Tomorrow is a brand new day, and it don't know white from black [Yeah! ]

'Cause the world keeps spinnin' round and round
And my heart's keepin time to the speed of sound
I was lost 'til I heard the drums, then I found my way
'Cause you can't stop the beat!

Ever since we first saw the light,
A man and woman like to shake it on a Saturday night
So I'm gonna shake and shimmy it with all of my might today!
Cause you can't stop the motion of the ocean, or the rain from above
And you can try to stop the paradise we're dreamin' of
But you cannot stop the rhythm of two hearts in love to stay
'Cause you can't stop the beat!

Aah, aah, aah,
Ahh, ahh, ahh
Ahh, ahh, ahh ahh

Ever since we first saw the light
A man and woman like to shake it on a saturday night
But now we're gonna shake and shimmy it and have some fun today!
Cause you can't stop the Motion of the ocean or the rain from above
You can try to stop the paradise were dreamin of
But you cannot stop the rhythm of two hearts in love to stay!
Cause you can't stop the beat!
You can't stop the beat
You can't stop the beat
You can't stop the beat!

2011-08-11T23:34:00.002+08:00

ahhh i meant to post on National Day itself! but what with one thing and another, here's a super belated National Day post. and i really really want to sleep, but i think i should just get this out.

watching the NDay parade (which looks the same every year, i dont understand why we must always show off our military prowess, arent we all for world peace???) i wondered if whatever was portrayed on the screen was really what Singapore meant to Singaporeans.

because I think, it wasn't really mine. The part that struck the most was perhaps, the rural and rustic lifestyle of the past, because almost all that heritage is gone now, when i really want to experience it. they should just have kept kampong lorong buangkok for educational value, really. it makes it easier for the current generation of spoilt brats to understand how far we have progress, rather than just looking at pictures and fake re-enactments in Malaysia.

i think the thing that strikes me most about being a singaporean, is the ease of talking to another singaporean that you cant really get with other nationalities. i mean, you can still talk to them easily and well, but never the same as a fellow singaporean. like how i can hop into the cab and talk to the uncle in singlish and broken chinese about school and work and singapore and singaporeans and stuff. you cant do the same with non-singaporeans.

but anyways. been pre-occupied with getting equipment for the nepal trip that's coming up in 66 days or something!!!! stresss. and applying to unis. everyone's asking where i'm going, what i'm doing. ahhhh.

and today, i woke up at 345am to go down to marina south pier. slept at 130am?2am? trying to book a taxi. it's a horror, really. i called almost every single company there are in singapore. and either the system is down or they dont have cabs at that time or something. and they dont accept nets. and in the end, the cab i booked from premier cab didnt appear. thank God someone was alighting right outside my house so i got a cab (:

but anw, Tropical Marine Science Institute was conducting a guided walk at St John's Island for NUS High students, and i got roped in to help. pre-dawn walk, pretty interesting, so some stuff. though not as much as i would like (octopus!! :( )

then went down to Botanic Gardens with two of the TMSI staff for the mega marine survey volunteer dialogue. really interesting stuff they revealed, and after that was makan cum socialising session.

more on the guided walk and volunteer dialogue on my other blog. sometime soon :/

and in the aftn i went to swim! cos i had nothing to do (: but i'm so amazingly lousy now, i get tired after half a lap.

ahh really need to think about unis :/ :/ :/ need to set aside a lot of time for this. somehow the time i set aside for uni apps keeps getting eaten up by other stuff.

Give Me Your Eyes - Brandon Heath

Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touched down on the cold black tar
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breathe in the familiar shock
Of confusion
And chaos

All those people goin' somewhere
Why have I never cared?

Give me Your eyes for just one second
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me Your love for humanity
Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide what's underneath
There's a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
He's out of work, he's buyin' time

2011-08-09T01:26:00.003+08:00

Wow, it's been such a long time since I last posted.

And my parents have been gone for an even longer time. I miss my daddy :( Can't wait for them to be back.

So I've just been meeting people the past few days, different groups of people. I guess my interaction with different groups of people is different. And people see different sides of me. And get different perceptions of me. But nevermind, all this is just inconsequential mumblings. Does not have much implication.

Feeling quite tired from shuttling back and forth between home and grandma house. Cos naturally I gotta lug my precious laptop where ever I go. Heh, I'm an internet addict.

Coastal cleanup on Sat (6 Aug) at Lim Chu Kang mangroves was awesome. It's really therapeutic, I feel so happy just picking up trash. Yeah I'm weird like that (: And it's pretty late, so my brain is, as usual, not functioning so well. So my post is a little incoherent.

and Happy National Day (: I love our country, I really do. I just feel that sometimes, our progress is not real progress. And I do wish our country would be more environmentally friendly. Just ban plastic bags damnit!!

Can You Feel the Love Tonight - Elton John
There's a calm surrender to the rush of day
When the heat of a rolling world can be turned away
An enchanted moment, and it sees me through
It's enough for this restless warrior just to be with you

And can you feel the love tonight
It is where we are
It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer
That we got this far
And can you feel the love tonight
How it's laid to rest
It's enough to make kings and vagabonds
Believe the very best

There's a time for everyone if they only learn
That the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn
There's a rhyme and reason to the wild outdoors
When the heart of this star-crossed voyager beats in time with yours

And can you feel the love tonight
It is where we are
It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer
That we got this far
And can you feel the love tonight
How it's laid to rest
It's enough to make kings and vagabonds
Believe the very best

2011-07-31T23:47:00.002+08:00

i realise i suck at writing. majorly. sighs, and writing is such a vital skill some more. and i suck at expressing myself when it comes to things that matter too.
ah wells.

went for Batam Build, under Habitat for Humanity, with Li Fang and her friends. Cos I missed doing community service, and building houses (whether fundraising for the money to build it or really going down physically to help construct the house) felt more tangible and impactful and meaningful than what I used to do in OSL in RGS. Not that OSL was a bad thing; it was the best we could do at that point in time, and it had a bigger purpose to it than just contributing to the community. I believe the main point of OSL was to introduce students to the world of volunteerism and plant that little seed in them, to inspire them to do more, and never forget to contribute back to society and the less fortunate.

But anyway, I realise I have evolved, in my community service works. I am now more focused on the job, on the task that I need to do. I take much less pictures with the kids there, play with them much less, interact much less. Not that I'm less enamoured with the kids, but I guess I find the need to work and contribute, rather than play with the kids to satisfy my own personal happiness more important. I don't know.

It was an interesting experience anyway, and as usual, I can't be bothered to blog properly, with pictures and everything :/ I've still got a huge backlog of posts to post on the other blog, whoops :/ and a lot of things to think about.

2011-07-20T20:53:00.001+08:00

The Road Not Taken - Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

with the start of unis approaching, the lines "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by" keeps surfacing in my head.

i guess the full impact of me taking a gap year is only hitting me now. no regrets, definitely, just a twinge of apprehension and what life will be like from hence forth.

but like what many people have been telling me, i should stop worrying about the future. trust God to do that. i just need to do what i need to do.

mainly, really sit down and think about what is the purpose of my gap year. and how to go about doing what i mean to do. and actually DO it.

i havent been thinking a lot this year. nor reflecting. nor doing anything much, apart from daily life routine.

and then i need to consider, seriously consider university. it sucks that i have to go through everything all over again, but i think now i have a better idea of what i want.

and yes, i am very fortunate to have these "problems".

i need to sleep more, definitely.

Jar of Hearts - Christina Perri

I know I can't take one more step towards you
'Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore?
You lost the love I loved the most

And I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises

And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

2011-07-17T03:29:00.003+08:00

i know i'd never study anything apart from something to do with biology. never law, biz, acc or ENGINEERING. nor med or vet.

but you know, i just wonder, what if i did? what if i didnt have a "pet interest" and would have just gone with the flow to apply for something just cos i could, and just cos everyone else did? and what if, i got in? what would life be like? it's just like 2 years ago, with council. i feel almost exactly the same. there's always the i could have...

the grass on the other side always seems greener, more fun, more exciting.

but i never regretted not joining council, and i'm pretty sure i wont regret my decision to study whatever i may choose to study in uni. it's just that for now, in this lag period before i go uni myself, there's just so much room to wonder.

seeing all the familiar faces in photos (yes i'm a fb stalker), it justs makes me pretty envious. but i know i would not have survived it. it's just the i wonder.... phase. when you see all your friends there and you here. SIGHS, i so need to make my gap year worth it :)

paths diverge.

today i went to a flea market in singapore for the first time. to sell clothes to fundraise for Batam Build. it was at scape, and it was crowded and stuffy and probably dusty. i kept sneezing and sneezing. but we managed to make a profit, so yay (:

we're still selling shirts for our project, so it would be good if people supported!

sihui and liangsi sleeping over at my house, but they've already conked out. so sad, they're all gonna be staying at hostel, and i'll prob hardly get to see them. or any other friend. argh :(

it's like, the rest of the world has already moved on to the next stage of life, but i'm still stuck (willingly of course, but still) at this stage.

i suddenly revisited old questions. like marine bio or conservation bio? uk or aus or even us?

any helpful advice would be much appreciated. i need to know very reputable unis in the world for either or both of the degrees mentioned. i wish my mom weren't so concerned about rep; but as she's funding my education, she has a right to demand that, i guess.

i really want to know where everyone is going to for uni. and i really wonder if, 20, 30 or even 50 years down the road, how many people would still say i am their friend...

Graduation (Friends Forever) - Vitamin C
And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
And we would get so excited and we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

[chorus]
As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
From whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

[Repeat chorus]

La, la, la, la:
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:
We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

[Repeat chorus (3x)]

2011-07-13T23:55:00.006+08:00

i realise it's been such a long time since i blogged!

it's probably a reflection of how i've been all this while, with barely even time to reflect and think and ponder.

been sleeping late for a couple of weeks now, i dont even know what i'm doing with my time, there's always just things to do.

went to monitor seagrasses at chek jawa last last sun, felt so good to go back there again after such a long while! and spent the afternoon walking the ktm railway track. with a 11kg backpack for 14km on the gravel. no joke. preparing for island peak (getting equipment and trying to train) but somehow i think i'm mentally still not prepared. dont really know what to expect, and my imagination sucks.

met up with people whom i've not seen for a long time. actually been meeting up with quite a lot of people. it was nice catching up again and chatting and eating and everything! some people's company are just irreplaceable. i dont ever want to lose contact with them :( though it's just gonna get harder to meet up.

and also met some new people, talked about life and all that stuff. i felt so naive and idealistic. i guess i still believe that one day the world could be good.

i wondered, why do i bother doing the things i do? i guess i ended up choosing the environment over humanity. not because i dont care for humans and i'd rather care for grass and animals, but because i feel that there are enough people out there who are concerned about other human beings in other, less fortunate parts of the world. and not enough caring about the environment.

and i try to live more eco-friendly, env-friendly. to lessen my damaging impact on this world. and to know more about our natural history and advocate conserving our biodiversity and stuff. spread awareness about the little things we can do to help.

i do all this, because maybe, deep down, i believe we still have some hope. maybe i believe that one day, everyone will care about the environment too. that everyone will know that we are entirely dependent on the environment and we need to take care of it.

maybe i believe that one day, once i've "grown up" (ie gotten a proper job after getting my degree), i'll be able to "save the world". maybe. but i do know that i want to make a difference. a positive difference. need to remind myself, and not lose sight of my dream. because life and work can often suck everything out from you and you lose yourself in the midst of busy-ness.

a lot of random rambling.

oh and i'm currently trying to fundraise for our Batam Build project, which is under Habitat for Humanity. we're selling t-shirts for $15, in white and light blue.

please email/sms/fb msg me if you're interested!!

"Never forget that everyday you live, you impact the world. And you decide the kind of impact you want to make." - Dr Jane Goodall

2011-07-01T00:22:00.002+08:00

i miss my friends. i miss talking to you, laughing, chatting, sharing, htht-ing, whatever else. so many people i havent spoken to in such a long time, even if we were never very close, i still miss talking to you.

i have yet to find that balance in life. and the ability to keep in contact with friends. dont forget me, please.

i miss rg. all those cheesy songs we used to sing.

(i dont rmb the title of this song)
Sometimes I wonder, if I made a wrong step somewhere
And times don't seem as good as they have been before
It's not so hard then, to want to break down and cry
But then i hear a chorus of voices, calling from the other shore
Look up, look up

These are my friends, my friends
Just some people walking the same road
With hands, joined as one together
Cross the bridge, see the rainbow
Feel the breeze, watch the flowers grow
Touch the sky, don't you know
You can go higher, higher, higher...

(and there's another verse but I don't remember it either.)

(also dunno the title to this song)
We have shared our morning days
And gone through all rainy nights
Even in the darkest of nights
Stars still light up our way

Tomorrow is a beautiful dream
A dream that will be fulfilled
Cross the bridge of rainbow
In search of the gold

For here we stand (for here we stand)
Our dearest friends (our dearest friends)
Sincerely from our hearts we wish (from our hearts we wish)
May streams of sunlight shine like rays of hope (shine like rays of hope0
Hand in hand we'll work and strive
For the best things in life (for the best things in life)

2011-06-26T23:50:00.004+08:00

there are so many things i want to do yet can never summon that energy and commitment to doing it. i dont innately have that 'just do it' spirit in me, that attitude where i think about doing it and i go about doing it. action to accompany the thought.

which is quite dumb really. it's not that i'm lazy, i think. it's just that i have other things on, other things that i seemingly prioritise over the "many things i want to do"... and i guess i could work it all out, fit everything in. but i just dont have the energy to be busy all the time. and i know many ppl think i'm busy (i'm really not), but they havent seen busy.

i personally have a few ppl i idolise (k it's more of really highly highly respect and regard and value), because of their commitment to their cause, their insane schedules and their energy in doing things. it's amazing, truly. a niche that i fear can never be filled by anyone else when they leave. which is not anytime soon i hope, but all man die eventually.

and i realise i have poor communication skills. really. i mean i'm not a social retard i guess, i am socially aware and am quite perceptive (about certain things) and stuff, but really. my communication skills suck. so much more for me to learn and pick up.

and this is a really random post. full of random jumbled thoughts. i was just looking at the stats for this blog, and according to the data, there are ppl from outside singapore who are reading this blog. i really wonder why.

then i look at the name of my blog, and i feel like i've drifted so far from what this blog is supposed to be about. i feel like i've regressed over time, from rg to rj to now. in having something worth leaving behind, in making a difference, in helping and changing things. now i'm just full of grouses and whines and this blog does not seem worth reading anymore - unless you want to know what's the latest thing i'm whining about. bleh, i feel like i NEED change. i need to change. i need a change of environment, a change of scenery. i need to get someplace for a long period of time, long enough for me to muse about life and the future and how i really want to live my life. i keep saying that yet i never do anything about it. gah.

i need more courage, more strength, more wisdom, more patience, more understanding, more love, more everything. God please help me be what I cannot be on my own.

take me back in time

I'm Telling the World - Taio Cruz

Every part in my heart I'm giving out
Every song on my lips I'm singing out
Any fear in my soul I'm letting go
And anyone who ask I'll let them know

She's the one, she's the one
I say it loud
She's the one, she's the one
I say it proud

Ring a bell, Ring a bell
For the whole crowd
Ring a bell, Ring a bell

I'm telling the world
That I've found a girl
The one I can live for
The one who deserves

Every part in my heart I'm giving out
Every song on my lips I'm singing out
Any fear in my soul I'm letting go
And anyone who ask I'll let them know

She's the one, she's the one
I say it loud
She's the one, she's the one
I say it proud

Ring a bell, Ring a bell
For the whole crowd
Ring a bell, Ring a bell

I'm telling the world
That I've found a girl
The one I can live for
The one who deserves

To give all my heart
A reason to fly
The one I can live for
A reason for life

Oe oh oe oh
Yeah yeah
Oe oh oe oh
Yeah yeah
Oe oh oe oh
Yeah yeah

i think this is such a sweet song.

2011-06-22T00:19:00.003+08:00

tired.

i enjoyed my family trip to tioman. i enjoy getting out of singapore, where ever it may be. even ubin is considered.
and now, my mom and bros are PADI divers too :D looking forward to free dive trips woohoo!

but right now, i just feel like getting out of singapore. but i have no money.

conflicted, quite.

i cant believe that while (almost) everyone else already has a place to study in university, i'm still stressing out about them. my parents have decided that i should reject all my current offers (in uk) and reapply.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up when everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

yeahh. honestly it's something i expected yet totally not prepared for. for everyone (i mean it figuratively alright, i know not everyone's in uni) to have some place in some uni somewhere (mostly local), choosing ccas and staying together and stuff. to have confirmed plans for the next few years of their lives, to be staying together with friends and to still be in contact. perhaps the thing i'm most afraid of really, is losing contact with them.

sometimes i really wonder, why did i bother studying so hard to get straight As? since i already know that what i want to do, that would make me happy, would most likely not need straight As. and i most probably won't be able to earn much. money doesnt make me happy, i dont live for it. but i cant deny that i need money for quite a number of things. like travelling and equipment and learning.

2011-06-16T00:46:00.003+08:00

so many things i wanna do and not enough time. or money. who says i dont know that money is important?

but money shouldn't rule our lives, and we should never let that happen. whether now, or in the future, when you can earn big bucks. i hope my friends never turn mercenary and forget their real goal/motivation/dream in life.

i want to learn things, i want to go out and do field trips, go overseas, play, study, work, learn, laugh, enjoy. too many things to do, i'm barely doing all i need to. maybe there's something wrong with my priorities, something that i need to sort out. exhausted. i really greatly admire people who are so committed and dedicated and who are handling a million and one things yet still manage to keep their heads up.

went for sea anemone workshop (more will be up on the other blog, when i find the time to clear the backlog of posts :/), it was great. really enjoyed myself.

tried to apply for provisional driving license but computer system was down =.= so have to get it another time. anyone got private driving instructor to recommend?

gonna be at camp tomorrow, then tioman from friday to monday.

2011-06-08T23:29:00.005+08:00

super exhausted. too tired to even walk up the escalator, which i usually do. i'm just falling asleep all over the place, just not in front of the comp. but yet i'm still not sleeping early. always seem to be many things to do.

spent world environment day in sungei buloh, then had a great weekend in ubin. good reprieve from the stresses of working life. i really wish i could stay there longer.

today's world oceans day, spent at tanjong rimau. blogposts shall be up on the other site sometime soon. hopefully. it's so tedious to blog a proper account with photos, i salute all those who do it. and do it much better than me.

i realise when you're working, there's no end. unlike when you're in school. there's always an end. end of term, end of CTs, end of SPA, end of etc etc etc. something to look forward to.

when you start working, all i look forward to are holidays. breaks and reprieves. weekend doesnt count, unless it's spent in ubin/somewhere away from civilisation.

biophilia

2011-05-29T23:43:00.002+08:00

i realise my weekends are all kinda themed. like nature stuff, or outdoor sports stuff, or catch up with friends. i need to find a timetable, a schedule where i can do all of them in a weekend, every weekend. instead of one week nature stuff one week outdoor sports stuff etc. if i make any sense at all.

this weekend was a very lepak weekend. mostly jogged at ecp (for the first time in. hmm possible ever?), climbed at Onsight (guillemard village, guillemard road!), swam a little. got my backpack for Island Peak. wish I went for Walks of Life Sungei Buloh walk. but i needed the sleep i guess. conked out today afternoon for a 2 hour nap despite my 8 hour nights.

i just feel like i really need some direction and some meaning in life. http://blogs.hbr.org/haque/2011/05/is_a_well_lived_live_worth_anything.html
read the article. just made me think more.

about how people today know, but dont bother taking action.

i feel like i need some quiet me-time, in a nice isolated place. perhaps some good friends as well, people who talk meaning and life. you know who you are ^^

i need to get back my sense of... purpose i guess.

hardly been keeping in touch with friends too, which is saddening and prob contributes to the lack of meaning in life. sighs i think i need to revamp my life. before that i need a break to think through my life properly.

2011-05-28T23:41:00.003+08:00

tired. the past week has been pretty tiring, been sleeping late and work is fairly tiring.

really need to train more, exercise more. physical fitness level has been in steady decline since.... since i graduated from rg (and hence odac) i guess.

stamina and endurance, both mental and physical is kinda gone. and climbing is also sucking.

tried to run 10km today, but ended up running sth like 5km or less. damn fail :P need to run more :/

then went to the new climbing gym, Onsight which is at Guillemard Village. super near my house now(: and damn close to where kong hwa used to be.

it's a pretty big place. fingers got really raw after a while tho, and i gave up climbing. sooo screwed for pumpfest next week :/ :/ i really think i'm gonna end up somewhere near last.

anw Zoolympix started, in the zoo. so exciting (: tiring but quite fun. 2 weeks more to go though, and i'm not that involved in it. but i like face/hand painting the most (: i painted a penguin that looked more like a frog/parrot on thu, but forgot to take a photo of it. fri was more successful (:

elephant! :)

need to figure a schedule where every week i can exercise, go outdoors to Nature haunts and catch up with friends.

i think i'll be friendless in a few months more, when uni starts.

2011-05-22T23:05:00.002+08:00

all i want to do is to live free and dream big. because that's all i can do for now.

somehow that seems to be a crime, almost, in singapore. people say encouraging things, or show affirmation, but somehow there is still that underlying inhibition of sorts.

been talking to so many people about uni and life and everything these two days. so i may be idealistic (youths and their idealism) and less than realistic. but i still want to live my dream. unless i have no choice.

which means it's status quo, all over again. before As, after As results, after scholarship interviews and results, after uni results. same.

and anyway i cant do much now.

been waking up at 5am and 530am over the weekend. may be early for some, may be late for others. but weekends are meant for me to catch up on my sleep T.T nonetheless, the effort and sleep deprivation were worth it. need to blog on a number of things, but i'm too tired to do so.

2011-05-14T22:09:00.007+08:00

I WANT TO DIVE AND CLIMB AND TREK AND HIKE AND KAYAK.

anyway, i'm glad that so far, i've just been hearing people congratulating me on having rejected the scholarship offer.

but with local uni results (whatever you call that) coming out, and most people getting their acceptance offers from various schools/faculties in unis (mostly nus medicine and nus law...), people still ask, so what you gonna do? where you gonna go?

just like how, after A level results came out, people ask, so what you gonna do now?

i think i'm still taking my gap year. i mean, i have no where to go this year. maybe i should announce it on facebook. i am not going anywhere, not gonna do anything. not in the near future anyway.

and i guess, after telling people about my gap year and what i may/may not do, even if people wanna say stuff that isnt very encouraging, they wouldnt say that in my face (ie i wouldnt know about it). yeah, my life is pretty undecided now. makes me feel like a waste of space, especially compared to all the rest of the world (i exaggerate) who are in medicine/law/business/somewhere.

no i'm not whining. or being a sore loser/wet blanket/sour grape. haha i cant, considering i never applied. and actually, i'm feeling quite great now. out of that sian feeling.

and i realise why i miss my secondary school days. because then, at least i did something useful with my life. i felt like i made a difference to some people then. right now, i feel like the only difference i'm making is using up scarce resources and not contributing in any productive, positive way. i enjoy helping people and being a senior to juniors and that kind of stuff, but i do none of that now. i suppose that's why i'm not particularly enthusiastic about life now, or anything of that sort.

anyways, i didnt get the holiday i wanted, but i got a little break. in the form of climbing at dairy farm :) i missed dairy farm, and climbing outdoors on natural wall. very very much. climbed only 2 routes, before it started pouring. hid in the cave. had an interesting conversation with interesting people. for an hour, before the rain lessened enough to trek out to civilisation.

but awesome part was the rain gushing down the slope, forming a little stream. totally awesome, wading in it and everything.

life should be more like this and less filled with grouses and unhappiness and sianness and well. i guess it's really up to me, but i really do need to go outdoors more :/

catching up with osl mentors (save soff and bella :/) was great. i love how we still can talk and talk and talk. i miss them very much, and our days spent in cambodia/rg. love all of you :)

Somewhere Only We Know - Keane

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute, why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute, why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go? So why don't we go?

Oh, this could be the end of everything
So why don't we go somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know
Somewhere only we know

2011-05-10T23:24:00.004+08:00

many things happened in the past week, that i have yet to mention here.

many things that would have/have impacted my life. such as being offered a scholarship by NParks.

i've struggled with the decision for many days since i heard of the good news. and as some may know, i had a lot of problems with this decision. it's probably one of the hardest decisions i've made in my relatively short life. the full impact of it have yet to hit me, but well.

most normal, sane singaporeans would probably have signed it without further thought. after all, a free overseas education and guaranteed employment for 6 years after graduation, who wouldnt want that? rather, which singaporean wouldnt? is not stability and security something we strive towards?

but to me, that would have meant giving up on my dreams and being tied down, with no chance for other opportunities. i guess what i really dont want, is knowing what is going to happen in the future. maybe i like a certain degree of uncertainty.

and then there are my parents and older brother who's also going to uni to consider.

all in all, it was a very tough weekend. but i finally made the decision. one that i guess some people would criticise me for, while others might congratulate me. i dont know. i guess all that matters is i'm happy with it and God is happy with it. i prayed, and now, i'm just trusting everything to Him.

i suddenly felt like what are dreams and aspirations? everything suddenly felt so meaningless, even living. maybe it's time for me to take a break and go back to a few years ago.

working sucks everything out of you. but then again, i shouldnt blame work. i should blame myself, for not putting in enough effort.

i miss the way i was a few years ago, when i was in secondary school. i was a lot more believing, a lot more naive (and happiness came more easily) and a lot more. i dont know, i think a few years ago, i was a much better person than i am right now. or maybe not. i really dont know. too many voices in my head. i suppose i shouldnt regret whatever is in the past. just look forward and well. move forward.

as you can tell from the whole post, i'm really all in a mumble-jumble mess. i need to go for a quiet retreat with some good company and sort out myself and my life. which is something that i'm definitely not going to get. which means that i need to stop whining and get on with life.

Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends

like my father's come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when September ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends

summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when September ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends

like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when September ends
wake me up when September ends
wake me up when September ends

and i just wanna say thanks to those who helped, one way or other. thanks for listening, for giving advice, for being there. i think you know who you are.

i think i need to start believing in myself again.

2011-05-08T02:22:00.004+08:00

today, i turned from a "politically apathetic singaporean youth" to someone who actually does care about GE.

true i dont know much about politics and parliament and policies and everything. but this year, i gave a damn about who was running for candidacy, which parties would win which constituencies. and even though i didnt go for rallies (though i really wish i did), i bothered to read facebook notes (social media ftw) and keep myself updated.

and as results were announced, as sleepy as i was, i stayed up all the way, just to hear aljunied's official results.

a few things that keep resurfacing:

1) damnit why Tin Pei Ling in parliament

2) sad that Chiam See Tong not in anymore (though i dont feel much for this, potong pasir a bit far off and so is bishan-toa payoh)

3) Returning Officer Yam Ah Mee's style of delivering official results

4) WHYY GEORGE YEO NOT IN PARLIAMENT ANYMORE (and the rest of the pap aljunied team)

but yeah, i agree that it's good that opposition won more seats, and in the constituencies that they lost, they mostly only lost by a small margin.

sighs. okay wells. time to sleep.

nike goddess 5km run was not very awesome. the name is kinda dumb and it was just oozing feminism everywhere. like seriously, asking us to chant collectively that "running is for girls not guys" ???? =.= and other similar retarded things. annoying. and the whole run was rather boring.

and the many volunteers they had were just there for display. really. so crowded, i'll never go for it again.

i hope the news broadcasters and everyone else who cant not get involved with reporting the news get a day off for reporting till 230am in the morning. and for tomorrow's newspapers.

2011-05-02T00:35:00.002+08:00

april is over. i am glad. it was a pretty stressful month. i get pimple breakouts every time i'm stressed, whether i really think i'm stressed or not.

interviews are over and moving house is more or less done. i am now in mountbatten smc.

and my room is no longer green with a blue ceiling. it's white. white walls and white ceiling and white cupboard and white table and white bed and white fan. only the floor and book shelf is brown. wall paper and curtain not in yet.

i really want a house in the countryside though.

been meeting up with quite a few people, always nice to meet up and chat. there are always people with whom you can talk for hours without wanting to leave. and then there are those when sometimes you just wonder why on earth you bother. but now, all the talk is just unis and scholarships. and ns. no one really talks about the future future. like 10 years down the road future. maybe because most things seem uncertain, even where we're gonna be one year down the road, that to talk about what's gonna happen 10 years later is just ridiculous.

but i realise i seldom feel the need to take photos anymore. i hardly take any photos in fact. i dont know if it's a good thing. somehow or rather, there just doesnt seem to be the need to take photos. yet i am someone who needs photos or notes or something, to help me recall past events and outings. ah wells.

there used to be so many things i wanted to do in my gap year. still want to do, in fact. but i've just been so caught up with life and everything that i just cant be bothered starting. which is why when i finally decided to register for driving, my BTT ends up in June.

maybe it's a crime to say this, but i really miss school. was reading notes from jc years, and i felt really nostalgic. and i dont think it's that i dont treasure friendships or anything, but somehow i drift quite a lot. in part, i think i dont like the idea of someone getting too close to me.

my family went to watch Lion King. it is awesome. i love the props and choreography and voices and music and everything. makes me wish i could sing and dance half as well.

He Live In You - Lion King
Night and the spirit of life calling
Oh, oh, iyo mamela oh, oh, iyo
And the voice with the fear of a child answers
Oh, oh, iyo iyo mamela

Wait! there's no mountain too great
Hear these words and have faith
Oh, oh, iyo
Have faith
Hela hey mamela, hela hey mamela
Hela hey mamela, hela hey mamela

He lives in you, he lives in me (hela hey mamela)
He watches over everything we see
Into the waters, into the truth
In your reflection, he lives in you

Dream, and the voice in the wind whispers
Oh, oh, iyo, iyo mamela oh, oh, iyo
Wait! there's no mountain too great
Hear these words and have faith
Oh, oh, iyo

He lives in you, he lives in me
He watches over everything we see
Into the waters, into the truth
In your reflection, he lives in you

Ingonyama nengw enamabala
Ingonyama nengw enamabala

He lives in you, he lives in me
He watches over everything we see
Into the water, into the truth
In your reflection, he lives in you

He lives in you (oh yeah), he lives in me
He watches over everything we see
Into the water, into the truth
In your reflection, he lives, he lives, he lives, he lives in you

He lives, he lives, he lives in you
He watches over everything we see

2011-04-26T22:02:00.002+08:00

after two separate rounds of interview, i suddenly realised i dont really know what i want to do in the future. maybe this comes as a surprise to people who always thought i always knew what i wanted in life. and i guess maybe i used to think i knew too. but i guess, the fact is i dont know what i'll be happy doing. what i'll enjoy doing, especially in a place like singapore. i can think of many things that i could do, that i dont mind doing. but for that to be my career? i dont know if that's what i really expected to be doing.

it feels as though happiness is so elusive, and i wont be able to get it. though i suppose, happiness is what you define it to be.

what if i were to do something like outdoor education instead? adventure, leadership, outdoorsy stuff. i see people doing these stuff, they seem relatively happy. i know i'd love to do that. but well.

and again, after these interviews, i wonder. do i really want to be a scholar? the expectations, and more importantly, the job scope. and anyway, it's so damn hard to get a scholarship. though i suppose a scholarship may be the only way to getting an overseas education. either that, or years of debt. and i feel like i wont be able to pay it off.

if it's really because i want to take my gap year, that i dont get my scholarship, would i still want to go overseas to study, on my parents' money? i feel bad.

suddenly, i feel like. what are dreams and aspirations? in the end, they may all come to naught.

21 Guns - Green Day
Do you know what's worth fighting for?
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?

Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

dont mind the angst. i suspect it's a seasonal thing.

2011-04-22T01:59:00.006+08:00

i'm officially moving house next week, but my mom wants to start bringing things over tomorrow. and naturally, i didnt do anything until the very last minute. so i just started packing my things, whatever that i dont need but want to bring over.

and again naturally, when you pack things, you unearth hidden treasures from long ago.
i unearthed notes that i wrote when i knew i was going to move house some 6 years ago. drew out my room floor plan, where i'd put all my things etc.
i unearthed my childhood toys that i packed neatly in a corner of my cupboard when i moved in. and of course, i hadnt touched them in the years since i moved in. now i'm just gonna move them back to a corner in my newly renovated room.
i unearthed my notes and souvenirs and gifts from eons ago. rg had a very strong culture of writing notes and letters. it's something that i tried to sustain in jc, but it's just different. i enjoy receiving notes; honestly, a birthday card would make me much happier than any birthday present. but wells, after rg, the whole letter-writing thing didnt really carry on. but in any case, i had packed my notes/souvenirs into ziploc bags. i look at these once in a while. like i said, i enjoy receiving notes. i would, once in a very blue moon, take out some letters to read. it makes me happy.

but really, what struck me as i was trying my best to pack when my eyes were half closing and i was sneezing due to the dust, was that many of the notes i have or wrote with, the neoprint photos i took with friends, many of them contain empty promises. things like (whatever group that is) rocks, or is awesome, or that we'll stay friends forever, will keep in contact etc. not intentional empty promises. i'm sure at that point in time, i honestly truly thought we would stay close friends, if not just friends. and unfortunately, now most of the these people are my barely-even-talking-to-them friends. people i say hi and bye to, but dont really talk much else. and looking back now, most of it is my fault, i know. i think i never really bothered. i guess at that point i thought that friends would just keep together, without much effort. of course now i realise the amount of effort put into meeting even just once. and the amount of effort i need to put into keeping a friendship alive.

honestly, i would like to revive those friendships. and i would, but i scarcely have the energy to. okay fine, maybe that is just an excuse. i need to have more guts.

What Are Words - Chris Medina

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they're done
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud, those words
They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent
Just from me and now know I'm meant
To be where I am and I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight
And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they're done
When it's love

Yeah, you say them out loud, those words

They never go away

They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more

Every single promise I keep

Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

I'm forever keeping my angel close

just to make things clear, even though i'm moving to a "new" house, it's not actually new per se. i stayed there from k2 to p4.

2011-04-18T22:27:00.002+08:00

i'm bored with life. very bored. keep getting bored. and it's not like i've got nothing to do, spending my life slacking away at home. but i still get the very bored feeling. anyone has got any suggestions on what to do? it's partly the reason why i dont like going home early.

though there is a lot for me to do. like start packing my room cos WE'RE GONNA START MOVING IN FOUR DAYS, AND BY NEXT FRIDAY, I'LL BE LIVING IN MY NEW HOUSE. i'm not that happy about it. i'm looking forward to my new room, and junking a lot of junk in my current room. but just thinking of the inconvenience of the new location is killing me. 15 mins walk to the nearest bus stop, and probably another 15, 20 minutes to the nearest mrt. i'm gonna have to leave my house more than half an hour earlier just to get anywhere as compared to now. argh.

anyway, had to clean up after kids that puked and peed on themselves in my last camp. i guess if all else fails, i can always work as a maid.

but really, this job is a real eye-opener. i realise how different this generation of kids are from us. these kids REFUSE to sit on grass. scared the ants crawl up their pants/skirt. and they use insect repellent as though it is baygon. spraying it on ants and mosquitoes. and all over themselves. really, the way they use insect repellent is appalling and scary. this generation of kids grow up on insect repellent. live and breathe repellent. i dont know how else to voice my shock. it's just plain disturbing. i dont know what's gonna happen when they're grown ups. hopefully the world would have ended by then.

sighs. they all wanna save wildlife, but they cant even sit on grass.

after camp, went to lim chu kang mudflat for mega marine survey. was interesting, my first time sinking quite deep in mud i think. or maybe not. i cant really remember anymore.

http://natureramble.wordpress.com

if you're wondering why my personal blog is on blogger and my nature blog on wordpress, it's mainly cause i've always wanted to use wordpress, but they dont allow own template or something like that. and in any case, i'm quite used to blogger already to want to move.

Photograph - Nickelback

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey's head?

And this is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we'd ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneaking out

And this is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I've broke in twice
I must have done it half a dozen times

I wonder if it's too late
Should I go back and try to graduate?
Life's better now than it was back then
If I was them I wouldn't let me in

Oh oh oh
Oh God I

Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye

Remember the old arcade?
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hanging out
They said somebody went and burned it down

We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we know
We said someday we'd find out how if feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel

Kim's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She's had a couple of kids since then
I haven't seen her since God knows when

Oh oh oh
Oh God I

Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

I miss that town
I miss their faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it

I miss it now
I can't believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it

If I could I relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change

Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Every time I do it makes me

everytime i look at my photos, i just feel rather emo-ish. all the times that passed. really, you never quite get them back. even if it's the same people.

2011-04-14T23:35:00.003+08:00

finally a little breather, before camp tomorrow and rather packed weekend ahead.

i do think birthdays are overrated. i'm not one to celebrate my birthday, and my family neither. it's just, another day in life. maybe because i dont make it out to be anything special. ah wells. it was the only day in a long while that i spent more than 12 hours at home.

but i spent a very awesome morning at semakau. visited the mangrove areas where i've never been before, and saw a seahorse(: highlight of my day.

http://natureramble.wordpress.com

but i got sandfly bites again. hate them sandflies. the last time i got sandfly bites, they disappeared only after 6 months or something :(

started training for nepal trek on sunday, hike from macritchie to dairy farm. poured insanely halfway through so we headed out of bukit timah instead. while hiding in a shelter from the rain, the rest took out food to snack. there was a bag of macadamia nuts on the ground, in the middle of us. and the long-tailed macaque just dashed in, grabbed the bag and ran. spilled the nuts out on the road and there was a feeding frenzy. the whole troop swarmed upon the nuts, even in the heavy rain. think this is my first encounter where a monkey snatched a plastic bag from someone from my group. scary much.

but anyway then we proceeded to king albert park from there, for island creamery. and got a nice surprise. thanks MR chew, kim, andrew, izzat, juan, sihui, joe, alvin, si yuan! you guys are really awesome (: and to everyone else who were involved one way or other. though the rain caused some problems.

been catching up with some people, over dinners and stuff. now i realise how hard it is to maintain work-life balance. to keep in contact with all your friends. people whom you used to meet almost everyday, talk to almost everyday, are now busy with their own lives. we all say we're just an sms/phonecall/fb/skype etc away, and true, it's easier to keep in touch with friends now with all our social networking tools. but still. it's quite sad. to meet up even monthly seems hard. or maybe it's just me.

and i realise my life now is so different from previously. not just the work, but at home. i barely go online now, even when i'm on the comp. i have to remember to go online. when previously i'm online almost every night. ah wells, times change. people change.

Tonight - FM Static

I remember the time you told me about when you were eight
And all those things you said that night that just couldn't wait
I remember the car you were last seen in
and the games we would play
All the times we spilled our coffees
and stayed out way too late
I remember the time you told me about your Jesus
and how not to look back even if no one believes us
When it hurt so bad sometimes
not having you here...

I sing,
Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight

I sing,
Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight

will we still be friends, 5, 10, 20 years from now?

2011-04-13T23:27:00.002+08:00

some days you just feel like crawling under your blanket and staying there. today feels like one of those days. only, as always, i never do. too practical/rational to be an escapist maybe.

a few backdated posts that i have thought of but have yet to compose. they can wait for another time.

funny to see teachers giving talks on the Speak Good English Movement but are themselves, not grammatical. thank goodness i'm not an English teacher.

2011-04-08T00:29:00.000+08:00

havent blogged in a fairly long time i feel, been meaning to blog but been coming home so late and just didnt have the energy to blog. but i figure if i dont do it today, i dont know when i'll do it.

so i had nparks scholarship interview, about a week ago. it went quite okay i guess, wasnt very nervous or anything. there wasnt that scary feeling in the air, i think nparks went out of their way to make sure we werent feeling stressed about interview. but wells, shall just wait for news.

then after that over the weekend, went for AOWD (advanced open water diver) course in tioman. live on board boat ride from singapore there and back. it was just awesome. i love boat rides. i like the feeling of being on water, the rocky feeling, and i love the breeze. and the stars at night!! night dive was quite scary, i dont like darkness, was just sticking to my instructor the whole time like super glue but wells. i survived (: i really need to read up on fish ID though. my fish ID sucks bad. i think i'm more familiar with marine invertebrates :/ got slightly sun burnt too, though thankfully not peeling much. i miss the boat!
and i forgot to bring my camera :( :( :( the sky was so awesome, the sunset! sighs.

still havent found the time to upload pictures from wiang kaen. and i doubt i really can.

my whole life feels damn unstable, in a sense haha. moving office location, moving storeroom (office) and moving house. so i go work, gotta pack stuff start of apr, mid apr move storeroom (dont need to do packing but still!) and go home, end apr move house. sians much??? i like moving, but the thought of having to pack and unpack and all the junk i've accumulated over the past few years gotta be cleared and everything is just killing me! i dont know if i have time to pack!

been coming home late and well work starts early. i havent even really got to talk to jon in a few days, cos he's usually asleep by the time i'm back. haiz.

and when i'm not thinking of work or moving, i'm stressed over WHICH UNI TO GO. please tell me, which should i go to. boston uni, uni of edinburgh, uni of st andrews or uni of sheffield. sheffield is supposedly good for ecology, edinburgh has a high intl ranking, st andrews is near the coast and prince william/kate middleton studied there, and boston is in US. HELP ME! i barely have time to do much research on the unis and really properly decide which to go to (if i get to go overseas).

many many things to do...

2011-03-30T21:58:00.002+08:00

went from the Singapore Zoological Gardens to the Singapore Botanical Gardens today.

spent an hour or so lying on the grass near the Shaw Foundation amphi (or whatever that structure is called) talking to ruici about the future. and i guess the future is what most of us are thinking about now. be it the uni we want to go to, the company we are considering spending years with and our dreams. if it all reconciles.

my brother (older) used to have a dream. of an ideal job, of what he aspired to be, dreams. but then, he went into ns, and got jaded. and now he decides he shall just focus on earning money. dreams got lost.

i just hope that i never lose my dream. i may never achieve it, never manage to fulfill my aspiration, but i hope i never forget it. and honestly if you ask me what i really want to do in the future, i have no answer for you. i dont know exactly what i can do, like the options for me. but i do know that i dont want my life planned out for me. i know what i dont want to do.

but i also know that if i do get bonded, i know how the rest of my life will pan out. which is not a bad thing, i guess, but just not my dream. i dont know. i just want to go with the flow and see how my life turns out. how many individual, independent choices come together to result in my life.

and i'll be going tioman this weekend for my advanced diving course. hope there'll be awesome stuff to see. gonna be a boat trip, so exciting (:

thought of this idea one night. to contact all my kindergarten and pri sch teachers. go back to my kindergarten and pri sch to find my teachers and talk to them. i think teachers appreciate this kind of thing. but i always have ideas that i rarely act on. maybe this will be different.

and the most awesome thing ever. free cone day this coming tuesday, and includes the outlet at the zoo! yay :D i've already eaten so much unhealthy things at the zoo since i started work. but i went for a jog today at the botanic gardens. i must say the botanic gardens smell a lot better than the zoo, though i suppose that is not surprising.

pardon me if my english make no sense, i'm quite sleepy. fell asleep standing on the mrt today. and leaned onto the person on my right, whoops.

I Hope You Dance - Lee Ann Womack

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth making

Don't let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

Dance
I hope you dance
(Dance)
I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder
(Dance)
Where those years have gone
(Dance)

2011-03-27T22:30:00.003+08:00

i am actually quite proud of myself that i qualified for finals even though today was quite horrible (my climbing).

and watching open just makes me wanna train more! those people are just sick. but seriously, it was damn cool being in the crowd watching them attempt the routes.

so this weekend was the slackest i've had in a long time, and i spent it on climbing (:

watching some show on prince william now. he went to st andrews university, which is one of my choices for uk. should i go there? there's a beach there, i can go surfing... and there's a countryside i can escape to on weekends. nice and picturesque. though i have no nice house in the middle of the countryside to go to, unlike prince william. my mom wont buy me a nice house there, unlike the queen.

i think i really gotta settle into a routine, where i have time for work and climbing and running/training.

2011-03-26T10:24:00.001+08:00

awesome feeling being able to wake up at 9am and go backt to sleep again (:

anw my table was full of junk again, so cleared it a bit. found the issue of ONE that we were given when we were graduated, that i meant to read but never really had time. and i realise that as an alumni now, a rafflesian alumni, the feeling when i read such publications is different. i am now an alumni, no longer a student at the school. i dont quite know how to verbalise it, but the feeling's just different. there's that sense of proudness? that i graduated from rg/rj. that i never really felt when i was studying.

and some words just spoke to me.

"life is a series of choices. somtimes, the choice isnt even ours to make and we can only choose to embrace the outcome (or not). we make a decision and move forward with it until we need to choose again. each decision may be a considered and responsible choice but how they all string together if often rather random. we can only determine the general direction that we want to walk towards.
recognise what speaks to us. and what does not. cultivate our moral compass and figure what we stand for as a human being. wherever possible, pursue our passion(s) and hopefully, beocme good at it. enjoy the journey because the destination will probably look quite different from what we imagined it to be when we started."
- Dr Beh Swan Gin (RJC 1985)

i totally agree with him.

and i just wonder where i'll end up. if i'll become like them, successful in what they do.

and i realise that there used to be a RI Museum CCA that started in the 1950s, like a natural history society. i wonder what happened to it. i would totally have loved to join it. but i guess that's kind what we're trying to do with Walks of Life/(unofficial) Raffles Nature Society.

anyway went for nus boulderactive today, and it ended unexpectedly. i really dont expect much from myself, not when i train (or even climb) so little, and not when i've dropped so far in standard from previously. but wells. in any case i'm a very blessed individual.

We can only make a difference by using our giftedness to serve others. If you were to die tonight, what would people say about you at your funeral?

2011-03-25T23:43:00.002+08:00

looking forward to tomorrow -- it's the first time in a long time i can sleep past 630am :) :)

though boulderactive's gonna suck majorly. but wells. it's essentially just like my first comp all over again. only this time, i'm not really caring too much about it. with barely time to climb, let alone train, i really doubt i'll have any good climbs.

been going to the doctor's very often since i started work. wonder it's because of work, or because of the place i work at, or i dont know, just the way things are. even though i use dettol hand sanitiser very often.

so many things to do, both at work and at home. i need more time. and i wonder if working life will always be like this.

too tired to blog much, but this weekend is the slackest weekend i've had in a long time. though it's low tide and there are many trips going on. but boulderactive :/ :/ let's just hope the goodie bag's worth it. (such a singaporean thing to say)

on a random note, i can count one to ten in german now :) and i know how to play a german game including the song. though the hyperactive kids deprived us of sleep.

2011-03-19T23:24:00.002+08:00

not been blogging for more than a week! though i have been thinking about it, but really been too busy.

didnt really talk much about my wiang kaen trip beforehand, was preoccupied with work and scholarship apps i think, so well dont think many people realised i was overseas.

but wiang kaen (northern thailand, nearest airport chiang rai) was awesome. this catholic mission home (link: http://wkmissionphotos.blogspot.com/ though it's not been updated) is one that my family's been going to since 2003 quite often. though my last trip there was like 3 years ago or more (my family went without me in j1). i really miss the place. it's a very nice place.

just some background bout the mission home. It's a place for the kids in the villages around the area. they're not orphans, they have family, parents, siblings. but the villagers around the area are not Thai, not ethnic Thai. they're hill tribal people. like Hmong and Karen and i cant rmb what else. but most of the kids at the mission home are Hmong. so anyway, the ethnic Thai supposedly look down on the hill tribes. i suppose they see them as backward and inferior. the centre brings them up like Thai kids, and well, let others realise that the hill tribe ppl are normal people too. but anyway, i never really understood the significance of the mission home until this trip, when i listened to the stories the Sister Bernard (the nun who runs the place) was telling us bout the kids who've grown up. what the mission home gives them is not just a place to stay, it gives them equal opportunity. access to schooling, and to keep them there. cos i think the village kids who go to sch, most of them drop out halfway to work. but at the home, they are given education till pre u level. and then, if they're good enough and fortunate enough i guess, they get sponsorship to further education. as a religious, a teacher, a mechanic or anything. and they get to work elsewhere, in the cities, and not just confined to their villages. and earn money they would otherwise not get to.

but anyway, so going back there after all those time. it's a bit like, old friends meeting up again. only i dont speak their language and they're not very good with english, except for a few. and i realise they've grown older too, just like me. like a parallel thing, me in singapore, they there. and watching them grow up with me, since they were like 6/7 to now about 15/16. and some of them have moved on, left the centre to go work. and because the Sister and Father (the priest who runs the church there and various other stuff) are leaving the centre soon, i wont be able to go back. maybe for a year, maybe forever. hence the "random" trip. but when we left i felt like crying, the emotional bond developed there was not little. and i wished i could extend my trip.

the kids are really cute. they run a lot, play games that do not involve electricity/batteries, and have natural brown highlights. cos they're slightly malnourished. not that the centre doesnt feed them enough; what they get is probably much more than what the families can afford to give back home. and keep them clean and in good health.

my family also visits the villages around the region. and the kids there are all grimy and wearing old and tattered and ill-suited clothes, like dresses on boys. and some of them have golden hair, again from malnutrition. we visit the villages to give them stuff, material goods bought from donations collected. not the solution to their problems i know, but i guess it helps. blankets, food, clothes. a solution to their problem (poverty) is hard. i keep thinking of what i can do, long term and sustainable, to help. but i dont really know what. and i guess for now, all we can do is give them such material goods to help alleviate their sol and stuff.

i'll put up pictures when i get them and when i have time.

so after i got back from my trip on tuesday (before the rest of my family and family friends), i was just preoccupied with scholarship applications. so many things to do and prepare. been so tired. but i realise when i get stressed, i cant sleep at night. no matter how tired i am. when i have a lot of things to do, things on my mind, i'll just keep thinking and thinking and not fall asleep, no matter how much i know i need my sleep.

and tuition too, cos ct1 is soon. hope my students will do okay T.T

but thankfully, all the scholarship apps are settled. just hope everything goes smoothly!

and that i'll finally be able to decide, US OR UK! though of course, if i dont get a scholarship, it'll just be NUS!

went to climb yesterday after work. i'm climbing once a fortnight. some kinda crappy training. boulderactive next sat is sooooo screwed. sighs. ah wells. then had nepal trip meeting. exciting but scary. but actually, i'm not dreading the training and the trek as much as the COLD. hopefully everything works out for the trip. then stayed over at lynnette's place.

and today was a packed day. from helping out (just a little bit) at rockfest at uwc (sea) to iccs meeting to cyrene trip to help siti with her doctorate project. more about cyrene (which is a submerged reef in the middle of our shipping lanes and industrial buildings) in my nature blog (http://natureramble.wordpress.com)

then tmr there's some pub launch at macritchie and ecolit is involved.

really tired and sleepy, but happy too. i like being busy. but i'm not someone who can survive on 5 hours sleep per day for many days in a row.

to end off, just for laughs. on work.

my reply to someone's query on free dates for a programme:

Hi XXX,

Greetings from the (where i work)!

4 May can

6 May can

10 May cannot, 5 May can?

Cheers,
Jocelyne

(where i work) education

(i dont want to put too much info, just in case there's any policy about something)

i accidentally sent it out T.T so embarrassing and all my colleagues were amused. meant to press save draft but pressed send instead. sighs.

and i'm so used to picking up phone calls on queries that when i picked up the phone at home today, i went (in the cheery, bright voice you use to pick up office calls) "Hi!" and was about to continue with a "Good Afternoon" when i remembered i was at home.

2011-03-10T23:57:00.002+08:00

my throat hurts and my voice is half gone and i'm developing a cough. and this is the second time in something like two or three weeks that i'm sick. though at least there's no fever now.

doesnt help when i pick up calls and the teachers complain they cant hear me over the phone. :(

i dont even remember the last time i lost my voice.

but you know, i really think that when the kids walk around the zoo, the visitors stare at them as much as they stare at the animals. perhaps a Kids Zoo where we put kids in exhibits for people to watch would not be a bad idea.

and our new ferret called farrid is really smelly. ferrets always remind me of draco malfoy. but i doubt draco malfoy looks half as cute as a ferret.

so many things to do. scholarship applications are scary.

going to Chiang Rai (Northern Thailand) tomorrow night till tuesday. then it's back to work. and tuition. ct1 is coming, i am getting quite stressed. but haha my mom says yi fen qian, yi fen huo. which means that since i charge so little for tuition, the quality they get isnt very good either. she's so mean.

throat really hurts to swallow. but i'm sick of going to the doctor's. and i'm really sleepy. people keep commenting that i look tired/like i didnt sleep. which i do, really, my usual amount. but somehow it's not enough.

you never really know.

2011-03-04T22:43:00.003+08:00

after doing camp at the zoo with pri 3 kids, i realise they dont really know english. they dont know how to speak proper english and they dont quite understand it. i thought they speak singlish cos you know, like when we talk amongst friends we dont speak proper english either, but really, they can't even ask "where will you be sleeping tonight?" in proper english. "where you sleeping tonight" gets 2 votes, "you sleep where tonight" gets 3 votes. scary much.

and really, all i want to do is thank God for everything.

though honestly, while i really care about grades and stuff, even when i do get good grades, it's nothing much. in the sense that i dont really celebrate, my parents dont really celebrate (and i dont get rewards for good grades either, ever) and it's just. not really a big deal. like birthdays and christmases and new years.

tired. brightsparks gave an annoyingly heavy bag full of not-very-interesting information that i had to lug around.

long day tomorrow. filled with events that i cant go for; why is 5 mar such a popular day and why do events always have to clash.

looking forward to next friday. holiday (:

hope everyone's happy enough. God will provide.

2011-03-02T23:39:00.002+08:00

since i'm gonna be at camp tomorrow and wont be home, wont be able to hear all the before-results-day whining.

not to say that i'm not scared for what will be revealed on friday. but wells, should not worry but trust everything to God.

i cant imagine what will happen.

all the best friends, hope you'll be happy with what you have and not do anything foolish!

2011-02-27T23:07:00.002+08:00

today's Gospel reading was really apt.

Gospel, Mt 6:24-34

'No one can be the slave of two masters: he will either hate the first and love the second, or be attached to the first and despise the second. You cannot be the slave both of God and of money. 'That is why I am telling you not to worry about your life and what you are to eat, nor about your body and what you are to wear. Surely life is more than food, and the body more than clothing! Look at the birds in the sky. They do not sow or reap or gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they are? Can any of you, however much you worry, add one single cubit to your span of life. And why worry about clothing? Think of the flowers growing in the fields; they never have to work or spin yet I assure you that not even Solomon in all his royal robes was clothed like one of these. Now if that is how God clothes the wild flowers growing in the field which are there today and thrown into the furnace tomorrow, will he not much more look after you, you who have so little faith. So do not worry; do not say, "What are we to eat? What are we to drink? What are we to wear? It is the gentiles who set their hearts on all these things. Your heavenly Father knows you need them all. Set your hearts on his kingdom first, and on God's saving justice, and all these other things will be given you as well. So do not worry about tomorrow: tomorrow will take care of itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.'

yeap. apt because almost everyone is worried/stressed/afraid for what will come this friday. namely A level results. i'm trying not to worry about it too much, because like what's said in today's Gospel, God will provide, and i should trust in His plans for me. whether i get good grades and not so good grades, He will provide for me, He has plans for what i will do with my life. may not be what i envision myself doing i guess.

and it's hard, i agree. i would definitely still hope i do well. but not much point worrying i guess. shall just trust in Him.

please dont worry too much, or worse, do something foolish when the results are out. life has more meaning than that, i'm sure.

on a separate note, today i sat on the park bench and stoned for a really long while. just looking up at the nice blue sky with fluffy white clouds, and humming along to my music. thinking but not really thinking, wondering but not really wondering, rather content with life and not worrying or rushing for anything. feels great to be able to do that. i think singaporeans should do more of it. and i sat in the swing too, and swung up high and happily (:

if i could control the minds of people, i think i'd make everyone content with what they have, take time to enjoy the scenery and play with their kids, be environmentally friendly and enjoy the outdoors and be at peace with everyone.

i need to go out more often. go out just to enjoy myself. and by out, i mean outdoors. places with green and brown and blue, dirt and wind and sun.

2011-02-26T13:39:00.002+08:00

stuck at home with nothing much to do, so i decided to work on my compare & contrast table for my unis.

it's so hard to decide which uni to go to. between edinburgh, st andrews, sheffield and exeter. anyone has suggestions/advice?

so anyway been surfing the websites of aforementioned unis to check them out properly (during apps period i didnt really bother cos there were more pressing issues to deal with like studying for As..). was thinking that edinburgh didnt really appeal much to me (like it's not near the sea unlike st andrews and exeter, and there isnt heavy emphasis on fieldwork like exeter and they didnt offer scholarship (some science international scholarship that all singaporeans who go there is automatically awarded) unlike sheffield) but thennnn, i was checking out their sports facilities and realise they have a climbing wall/gym! so edinburgh immediately jumps several points in the favourable aspect.

2011-02-25T22:51:00.002+08:00

the past week was not a good week for me.

first on monday at macritchie, i hit my head REALLY HARD on the info boards at the visitor centre. cos i bent down to pick up some stuff and got up in a rush, forgetting the boards above my head. i can still feel the bruise now.

then on wednesday, again at macritchie, i fell off the boardwalk. cos i was walking backwards while talking to the students we were guiding. fortunately the water level was not high, or i'd have gone swimming. but there was some plant there with thorns or sth, and i got splinters stuck under my skin. that couldnt be removed on my own with tweezers.

and finally today, i got a sore throat and fever. ultimatum. i hate having a fever cos i'll be feeling cold perpetually, and it gives me headaches as well.

and now i feel like i've been grounded. stuck at home for the weekend :( maybe i'll get to go out on sunday.

and i realise almost everytime i fall ill with fever, my dad's not in singapore. in 2009, he was in malaysia. in 2010, both my parents went for the anniversary holiday. and this year, he's in malaysia again. maybe my dad should not go overseas. it sucks when he's overseas cos i have to go to the doctors on my own and walk home after that, feeling like crap.

enough whining, i guess lots of people are also down with flu or some other bug that's been going around. take care and get well people (:

i am very excited about moving house. i like moving house. i like moving around, dont like to be sessile and sedentary. i've not stayed at a house for more than 5 years; i think the current house is the one we've been staying in for the longest time, close to 6 years. so anyway, back to moving house, my parents are renovating the place we're gonna move back to. and i'm happy i get my own room still :D

the walls are gonna be green and the ceiling blue. hope it doesnt end up looking weird. was wondering if they could paint white splotches on the ceiling too to make it look like clouds.

and i'm having trouble deciding which uni to accept now. gonna wait for D-day (coming soon! D: ) and for US unis to reply first i guess.

you know i'd never say.

2011-02-20T23:25:00.002+08:00

i really liked today's gospel. a reminder to me, because i've been losing sight of it. i think it's the whole point of being Christian, the whole meaning of being a Catholic.

Gospel, Mt 5:38-48
'You have heard how it was said: Eye for eye and tooth for tooth. But I say this to you: offer no resistance to the wicked. On the contrary, if anyone hits you on the right cheek, offer him the other as well; if someone wishes to go to law with you to get your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone requires you to go one mile, go two miles with him. Give to anyone who asks you, and if anyone wants to borrow, do not turn away. 'You have heard how it was said, You will love your neighbour and hate your enemy. But I say this to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you; so that you may be children of your Father in heaven, for he causes his sun to rise on the bad as well as the good, and sends down rain to fall on the upright and the wicked alike. For if you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Do not even the tax collectors do as much? And if you save your greetings for your brothers, are you doing anything exceptional? Do not even the gentiles do as much? You must therefore be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect.'

and that's what i'm trying (have been trying) to do. to love and forgive everyone equally, to be nice to everyone, even people who are very likeable. and it's not that we're supposed to just stand there like an idiot. if someone is in the wrong, shouldnt get angry at them (as hard as it is) but should just inform them of their offense. for if we get angry at them, then we are sinning too. and if they continue sinning then all we can do is pray for their conversion.

it's incredibly hard to do. it's so easy to just be like everyone else. to gossip and bitch and talk about other people, sometimes in not very nice ways. it's so easy to follow and get influenced. and become like that. not bad, not an evil person. but not as good as i could be if i try. yeah i know, i'm a guai kia like that.

but i think as long as i try my best to be a good Christian, as long as i really try, it'll be good enough.

i think i need to sort out my life properly, figure what i really want and what i will do with my life this year.

and hope for good news.

never ever give up hope.

2011-02-20T01:07:00.004+08:00

i think i gotta start doing more with my life, then just working and coming home. working is fun and all, but i find no meaning to life, no goal.

while studying, i used to have many goals. short term ones, to be fulfilled in the year. long term goals, i naturally still have them. in terms of career and life.

but short term, like targets for each term and stuff, i am lacking them now. i dont have any targets for this year. no goals, nothing. and that makes me feel like life is a bit meaningless, pointless.

i need projects and meaningful things to occupy my time and make me feel like my life is worth living.

i was quite... not say miserable, but well i dont know. i was bored and restless and felt like something was not right with my life. and so i went for a long jog (for me) to figure all the above out. only now that i know what i need, i dont quite know what to do.

i actually want to learn many things this year. skills and languages and stuff. but inertia is always getting the better of me, as is dementia. i keep forgetting what i want to do when i have nothing to do.

anyway, went to semakau today with team seagrass, and the best thing i saw was a rainbow :D

i've decided to keep a separate blog for my nature-y stuff, so if you want to know more can go check it out.

http://natureramble.wordpress.com/

Tonight - FM Static

I remember the times we spent together
on those drives
We had a million questions
all about our lives
and when we got to New York
everything felt right
I wish you were here with me
tonight

I remember the days we spent together
were not enough
and it used to feel like dreamin'
except we always woke up
Never thought not having you
here now would hurt so much

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight

I remember the time you told me about when you were eight
And all those things you said that night that just couldn't wait
I remember the car you were last seen in
and the games we would play
All the times we spilled our coffees
and stayed out way too late
I remember the time you told me about your Jesus
and how not to look back even if no one believes us
When it hurt so bad sometimes
not having you here...

I sing,
Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight

I sing,
Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight

2011-02-13T23:15:00.004+08:00

you know, this thought never occurred to me. but i think it's gonna be possible that i'll wish i could go uni earlier or something. I'M INCREDIBLY BORED AT HOME.

i dont know what i was thinking, maybe that i'd find something to do at home (i should..) or something that would occupy my time at nights at home. it's not that i am very free; there are many things i want to do and places i want to go. just not the kind you can do for a few hours at night? or maybe it's just not what i wanted.

that's why i dont really want to be at home. cos there's nothing to do. maybe i should start playing my piano more often (but at night, i'd be disturbing people's sleep...) or pick up guitar (finally) or something. anyone got anything for me to do at home??

Chances are only what we make them / And all I need

2011-02-13T00:27:00.002+08:00

was great meeting up with osl mentors, mr lim and ms chia for lunch today. miss all the times we spent together, and all the fun we had (:

watched chingay for the first and last time of my life. i would never watch it if not for the fact that soff had an extra free ticket. never quite saw the point of chingay. seems kinda like a major waste of resources.

but it was quite fun/interesting i guess. maybe the whole point is just to give students more cip opportunities and to engage senior citizens or something. i'd like to try participating in it next year, just for the fun of it. just once at least, in my life. and better young than old.

but they released loads of helium balloons. utterly horrified. all those balloons are gonna come back down into the seas/oceans and kill marine life and add to marine litter.

super annoyed that msn keeps giving me problems. sometimes can sign in sometimes cannot. most of the time cannot. keeps telling me i signed in at another location. argh.

Need You Now - Lady Antebellum

Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Woah, woah
Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now, I just need you now

Oh baby, I need you now

2011-02-09T23:10:00.003+08:00

getting really tired from work. not that i dont enjoy it; i love my work(: but the working hours and travelling time gets me tired. and i hardly get to climb.

met up with 3E yesterday for dinner, was good to see them again, those that came. hardly got to talk to everyone, but i guess since most of the guys are only going in may, there's still time..

then had dinner with my awesome pw group today. we're all quite different, yet quite similar, and it's cool how we can talk a lot of rubbish.

but i realise that even though i have a vague idea of what i want to do in the future, i dont want to plan out my life so early and in such great detail, because i want to leave room for dreams. for things that are so far away from me, i could never dream of doing them. but perhaps, just perhaps i will get the chance.

as long as i dont lose sight of my dreams.

2011-02-06T22:52:00.005+08:00

i enjoyed this cny hols. maybe cos i'm finally out of school so dont really have homework and stuff (though i gotta study some stuff for the zoo job!) and it was really relaxed and meeting up with people whom i've not seen in a month was awesome (:

soff, resh, shaina, roy and me. we have no cool clique name. but it doesnt matter. hope we'll meet at LEAST once a month! it was just awesome talking to you guys till the security guard chased us away. heh all the outdated stories and everything. and i believe, i really really believe, despite everything, that we'll be able to stay as friends forever.

the two photos belong to rach oon. but anw og outing! my og is seriously the most awesome (: i guess after seeing yall almost every school day for the past two years, the bonds dont break too easily.

in any case, cny was a good break (: though i had to keep explaining what my job in the zoo entailed. now back to waking up earlyyy every morning. but i'm excited (:

all the best to those who are going overseas to serve the nation. just be sure not to try swimming.

Tears And Rain - James Blunt

How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

Tears and Rain.

Tears and Rain.

Far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

2011-02-02T23:51:00.003+08:00

i realise my last post was my 888th post.

but anyways, so i've been working for 3 days now (more like 2.5 days), and so far, i'm not regretting the long travelling hours (: gotta wake up early, earlier than i've been in my past decade of schooling, but least there's a 30min bus ride when i can kip a bit.

and work so far's been quite fun (: much to learn and remember but least there's variation and little animals to play with and stuff. and programmes with kids start next week!

went back to rj for ecolit stuff ytd, talked a bit before heading over to macritchie. dont remember going to mr in the evening before, but anyway it's a totally different experience from going in the mornings/afternoon. went through the trail which we'll be bringing pri sch kids to and plants/animals along the trail. and walking back through the forest trail was totally like walking in some enchanted forest. the half-light and the noisy cicadas/frogs and everything. i wanna go for forest night walk sometime!

many places i wanna go, many things i wanna do. hoping i'll actually do them..

happy chinese new year friends (:

2011-01-30T23:10:00.003+08:00

yay officially now an open water diver. gotta wait a month for the cert itself though.

always knew about singapore's infamous visibility, but today was reaallyyy bad. about half a metre. amazing really. saw a crab. sponges, corals, squirts, algae. but diving is cool anyway, even in singapore.

had a short and small class outing. on the way back home from diving lessons. good to see them again, even though it's just a handful.

work starts tomorrow. quite excited. but gotta wake up early :/ and i think i'm catching a cold, though thankfully after OWD completed.

it's been so rainy :/

2011-01-28T23:17:00.003+08:00

woke up earrlllyyyy today to climb at dairy farm. but rain :( walking halfway suddenly downpour :( monsoon season sucks.

ended up slacking at king albert park for a long time, eating island creamery ice cream :D before going down to climb asia.

my climbing schedule is screwed, havent climbed in 3 weeks then yesterday and today boulder, then prob not gonna climb for another two weeks. sighs. hand pain :(

but totally cant wait to dive tomorrow, like REAL diving and not in the swimming pool! :D :D even though it'll probably be cold, and might possibly rain (nooo...) and the visibility wont be very good... but still! something i always wanted to do. and actually did.

oh and i got my 7th camera. traded in spoilt number 5 for new number 7. olympus mju tough 6000. hopefully it'll last long(er). i'll try to make sure it does. try.

no more free weekdays!! work starts next mon. filled with trepidation and horror at having to wake up super early everyday while going back late, but very excited about the job (:

and i realise i havent said what my job is. i'll be at the zoo! but not zoo keeper.

2011-01-27T10:03:00.002+08:00

went back to rj on tue morning again to talk to the j1s. on intertidal ecology or sth like that. i dont know how much of intertidal ecology i knew 2 years ago, but it's still pretty amazing how much i've learnt since i started getting interested in these stuff in s3. still so much more to learn though, like mangrove plants! and other stuff..

diving lessons so far have been pretty awesome, i love the feeling of scuba diving, apart from the cold. it's really really cold. cant wait to go out into open water! and see hantu underwater :D

then yesterday morning was spent at admiralty park mangroves. doing the mega marine survey with nparks and tmsi. really really muddy, lots of polychaetes (bristleworms. kinda like earthworms only they have bristles) abound and long-tailed macaques. hard work, but i enjoyed myself pretty much. fieldwork is always awesome.

super tired now, not been getting adequate sleep the past few weeks? but at least i dont need to go to school anymore :D though there's still tuition :/ hope i dont burn out in the coming year..

goodbyes are always hard to say. and farewells are always sad.

2011-01-24T14:43:00.003+08:00

finally spring cleaning the house! after like 5 years, since we moved in... but won't really be clearing out my room. that would probably be when we're moving house, later in the year.

looking at all the photos and meeting them again after almost a month, i really really miss the krabi trip. the awesome and fun times. no adult to chaperone us, everyone squeezing into one room and all the late nights and early mornings, meals walks and climbs together (and everything else!) and everything. i miss those times. and the worse feeling is knowing, even then, that you might never get the same experience again. thanks to jolyn, lynnette, andrew, clement and randy for the materialisation of the trip and the awesome times we had (:

and i counted. i have at least 22 shirts from events/organisations that i was in (at least because there are quite a few more that i didnt count), and at least 22 shirts/singlets from comps that i participated in. just the past 6 years alone. now i dont know what to do with them. they've been hiding in my drawers mostly. dont really want to give them away, cos for one it's quite weird and for another each shirt brings back memories, mostly fond memories. maybe i'll cut them up and turn them into some kinda patchwork quilt. maybe.

work starts next week. this is my last "free" monday. i'm gonna be busy with work, and tuition and whatever else that comes along. it's quite sad really. i wont be having so much freedom for a long time. but the experience is gonna be awesome (: i hope.

still so many people i want to meet up and catch up with.

2011-01-23T23:17:00.002+08:00

been going back to sch quite often these few days. kinda miss the things we did in sch. apart from the studying (giving tuition is not very fun T.T)

first was ecolit talk for jip. then st johns island trip with rsi for jip too.

st johns was awesome. one of the few overnight "trips" i had in rj that was not in sch. i think the first was class camp and after that the st johns trip. it was really a very awesomely fun camp, i really enjoyed myself on st johns. the people and the activities and the place and everything (: thank God for the good weather and that i could go for it (:

i miss exploring the shores. really really miss it, i'm so much more comfortable on the shore (or at least in marine habitats) as compared to like forests (terrestrial). not that i dont like terrestrial, just that well marine is much more awesome.

only my camera is still somewhere in japan. sighs.

i may be dao and reclusive but i really enjoy talking to people. about things i do.

went to bukit timah nature reserve (btnr) ytd for some nparks volunteer session, and like whoa the place is crowded. damn crowded. looks like orchard road. scary much, i'm never going there on weekends. i remember last time when odac went there to train, there definitely werent that many people. or foreigners. and yeah i dunno if that's a good or bad thing. i suppose that's where management comes in.

parties are definitely not my kind of thing but i had fun at lynnette's birthday party/sleepover. resulted in 4 hours of sleep before going for diving pool session 1.

diving is so amazingly cool. pool session was fun enough, glad i didnt have much problems with it. cant wait for actual dives (: (:

so similar yet so different.