something worth leaving behind

Thursday, November 12, 2009

(: glad op's out of the way now. pw can be struck off the to-do list permanently now (: and i think op went well. i'm really thankful that 1) topic this year had conservation! 2) i got an awesome group that was awesome from the very start :D really thank God, i feel very blessed (:

but i'm getting increasingly stressed over srp :/ managed to push away the slight guilty/stressed feeling the past week by telling myself i had to focus on op (which was actually quite a rubbish excuse cos i didnt really do anything for op). but :/ now that pw is finally over, i get really worried every time i see my stack of books meant for reading for srp. and when i think about oral defense next year D:

ah wells. no point stressing over it, i gotta do something about it.

One Way - Hillsong United
I lay my life down at your feet
'Cause You're the only one I need
I turn to you and you are always there

In troubled times it's you I seek
I put you first that's all I need
I humble all I am, All to you

One way
Jesus
You're the only one that I could live for
One Way
Jesus
You're the only one that I could live for

You are always, always there
Every how and everywhere
Your grace abounds so deeply within me

You will never ever change
Yesterday today the same
Forever till forever meets no end

One way
Jesus
You're the only one that I could live for
One Way
Jesus
You're the only one that I could live for

You are the Way the Truth and the Life
We live by faith and not by sight... for You
We're living all for You

i am truly thankful to God for all the graces and blessings he has given me over the course of this year. He has given me so much more than i could ever ask for (: and i'll try harder to be a better Christian.

8:28 PM -

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

psb nite 09 was really quite nice. i really miss my juniors. it was good talking to them and catching up with them, though didnt really manage to talk to all. that's one of the things i miss the most about rg -- having juniors. and it was nice talking to spsls 08 too, been such a long time since we met up (probably a year or so). haha i still remember during psb nite last year, we were just talking about whether or not to join council, and all the jc stuff. in any case, i'm glad i didnt join council, and i dont regret my decision.

ah wells hope i've been a good enough senior to them anyway. and i hope that even after they leave rg, they'll continue being good seniors to their juniors.

the bus driver of the 190 i was on was mean. i was going home from rg, meant to alight at dhoby ghaut. for some reason or another, card reader couldnt read my card in my wallet. so i had to dig it out. and the door closed. and i pressed the 'stop' button twice. but no, the uncle just happily ignored me, and pulled out from the stop. so annoying. i was damn annoyed. lucky 190 still can go city hall, else i'd be pissed.

PSB board song
Voices That Care
Lonely fear lights up the sky,
Can't help but wonder why
You're so far away.

There, you had to take a stand
In someone else's land,
Life can be so strange.

I wish we never had to choose,
To either win or lose,
That we could find a way...

But I won't turn my back again,
Your honor I'll defend
So hurry home, and 'til then...

Chorus:
Stand tall; Stand proud!
Voices that care are crying out loud.
And when you close your eyes tonight,
Feel in your heart how our love burns bright.

I'm not here to justify the cause.
Or to count up all the loss...
That's all been done before.

I just can't let you feel alone.
When there's so much love at home
We're sending out to you.

All the courage that you've known
The bravery you've shown,
Clearly lights the way.

We pray! To make the future bright,
To make the wrong things right,
Right or wrong, we're all praying you remain strong
That's why we're all here and singing along.

(repeat chorus)
You are the voice
You are the light

(repeat chorus twice)

all the memories. all the experiences.

10:56 PM -

Monday, November 09, 2009

woke up early and cycled to bedok reservoir to spend my morning watching people (mostly getting ready to) dragon boat. but anw, good job to soff, juan, sihui (hahah), sophia, shamira, jolene and um various other guys mostly from canoeing for getting 2nd! (:

spent most of the day catching up on sleep debt accumulated from the entire week. got extremely bored at night.

last week of pw! really hope op goes well.

will the to-do list ever shorten?

12:22 AM -

Saturday, November 07, 2009

i think when i have less sleep, i get short term memory loss. keep having to read my own blog to recall what i last talked about. or when the last time i blogged was.

this week was a really tiring week. and we only had 2 days of school (lectures + tutorials). if this is anything to go by, i'm gonna be so dead next year. but i'm quite glad that 1) pw is ending this week! and 2) during the last 2 weeks of sch, i wont have h3/remedial lessons to go for.

pw was quite fun lah, tho tiring at times when you have to keep working at it for periods of time. and i enjoyed it particularly because it enhanced my understanding of lnr. and made me realise how woefully limited my knowledge of lnr was when we were doing our seagrass monitoring in s3/s4.

this came from my daily bible for thursday, 5 nov.

1st reading - Rom 14:7-12

7 We do not live to ourselves, and we do not die to ourselves. ⁸If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord; so then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. ⁹For to this end Christ died and lived again, so that he might be Lord of both the dead and the living.

10 Why do you pass judgement on your brother or sister? Or you, why do you despise your brother or sister? For we will all stand before the judgement seat of God. ¹¹For it is written, ‘As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall give praise to God.’ ¹²So then, each of us will be accountable to God.

(http://bible.oremus.org/?passage=Romans+14:7-12)

just fyi, it's a letter from St Paul to the Romans, chapter 14 verse 7-12.

and so here's what my daily bible says about it:
Today, Paul is asking us to make ourselves presentable to God. When we do things that are damaging to our minds and bodies, we make ourselves less appealing to God. We have an obligation to take care of our bodies, minds, and spirits to the best of our ability, so that we are fit servants of Christ.
Beyond that, we have a responsibility to each other. We are to care for each other like true brothers and sisters. When we treat others as Christ treats us, we put others needs before our own. This is a concept that few Christians embrace and fewer still practice; yet, that is how we should behave. In effect, when we sacrifice something we need for the sake of someone else, we're trusting God to provide for us. We are not only to provide for those in need but also to protect those who are weaker than us. We ought to take young ones under our wing and we should offer support to those who are struggling with problems like alcoholism and drug abuse. The point is for us always to be there for each other, with a helping hand and a willing heart.

i guess this is something i'm still trying to work towards. it's so hard sometimes, to put aside your own needs for others. and i'm not talking about this in an extreme manner; just out of my comfort zone.

take a breather.

and incidentally, i cant receive offline messages.

11:44 PM -

Thursday, November 05, 2009

was so tired, i really didnt feel like going to school today. just for civics. where we played um interesting games? wish mrs lim (ct) had given more time for us to do the notes thing for everyone though.

spent 6 hours with shimin and nad in vivo, was really quite fun (: amazing really, how you just click with some people, and find endless things to talk about. whether or not you have common interests is really quite irrelevant to making friends, i think. there's just something that makes a good friend, but i dont quite know what.

just read amanda chin's blog, and oh man, her ris low video is so funny! cant figure how to upload youtube vids here (and i cant be bothered) so go check out the link yourself http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpHoHJ4DFIQ&feature=player_embedded but haha it's seriously damn funny. i've got a feeling they're really mocking her >< i really cant quite believe some of the things she says...

it's nearing the end of year, and again it's time to reflect. reflect on this year, what went right, what went wrong, what i will do better next year. been thinking about stuff for quite a while already, and even though i prefer rg to rj (many times over), i do think i've improved in rj.

and a bit ego maybe, but i do think i know myself quite well. i know my own abilities, that my studies are not very bad, that while i'm not a natural at sports, i'm not very bad either, that while i'm not a genius at music, i'm not completely hopeless either (even though yes i know i've failed my grade 8 three times T.T). i know that my art is really cannot make it, and i'm not being humble. and while i dont think i'm the nicest person in the world (cos i am human after all), i'm not a very horrible person either (least i hope so ><).

i think what's most important in a person, is his/her character and values, and his/her personality. even if you're a very nice person and mean well, but your personality is :/, then still it wont do. and obviously if your personality is okay and you can interact with people, but your character is :/, then well it wont do either.

and really, i think to do well, all you need is two things. motivation and self-control (discipline). the motivation to do well, and the discipline to practice hard and keep yourself on task.

many, many things to do from now till june next year. i really hope everything will just fall in place and go well and i'll be able to cope and survive with everything.

and i'm very amused by how my ct thinks i'm "sensible". and how most of my class thinks i'm a "responsible cip rep", with my "passion for the environment and cip". after one year, is this really what people perceive of me?

8:17 PM -

Sunday, November 01, 2009

i realise i do the most redundant things ever before exams. before promos, it was transferring various files, music etc, and playing with various functions of the mac.

and before chi A levels, i was copying bookmarks over from my old comp.

:/ i need to practice more self-control.

went for great eastern 5k in the morning with my mom. lost her after 2km mark, at the water point. running feels good. i should run more; my only problem is that i'm too lazy to go out and run.

i think i was much more scared for higher chi Os last year than i am for chi As this year. or maybe the panic just hasnt settled in.

and on some accounts, perhaps i am glad that i dropped out of bio o. else my entire jc life would just be studying after studying. studying for various tests and exams, else working on pw and srp. and yes, i guess it's a bit 自找 too.

4:56 PM -

Saturday, October 31, 2009

annoyed with myself for having wasted so much time unnecessarily today.

newspaper collection with lifang (and various other people whom i dont really know) for project ownage in the afternoon was not to say fun, but i enjoyed it anyway (: miss spending time with her. and after we ended, there was a super heavy downpour. and we couldnt be bothered waiting for it to lessen up (it didnt for a long time anw), so we just took out our umbrellas and walked in the rain. had to wade across various flooded walkways and the field between s11 and j8. it was like walking in a padi field, you can really feel each surge of water rush into your shoes and your feet getting thoroughly wet. was fun anw (:

too many thoughts and feelings to process now.

11:26 PM -